nowthenafter

when there is no truth what is this doctrine of karma? what is this doctrine of fruits of karma? what is this unlimited number of births and rebirths; till all the grapes of karma is eaten with nothing left Nothing is left and one has to stop since nothing is left there is no motivation ~ neither for good bad or ordinary or for another being or becoming the most perfect being and pop goes the weasel no curiosity fine i accept i do not know the doctrine of karma or karma for that matter what about this dharma ~ it is supposed to be unknown to me ~ but i am others, if any, defying all evidence of non-existence if do exist and able to see me; but unable to tell me since i have rocks for my ears ~ with heaps of soil in my ears and plugged deaf me synonymous to my dharma unknown to me and i cannot help me i am a drop in the unlimited ocean of the same and the only karma i can do is hallucinate ~ ~ i imagine you ~ oh you said that but i am sorry you are mistaken ... on and...

Mid noon when all three hands of the clock vanishes, folklore is we from Indian origin lose our balance. Raghu called up around noon to announce that all these time we were about to strike 12 but now it is all past. India is past 12. clock cannot be reversed. not in this lifetime. Once communist bengal is now navadeep. নন্দের নিমাই it is unfortunate but true. the recent poll demolished all worldwide hope for India. the catastrophe waiting to be struck has finally struck. No hope. HARIR LOOT It is long time that i had stopped reading any Indian Magazines. I no longer like to keep in touch with Indian way of thinking. there were pujas and we were accustomed from our childhood to enjoy those days of freedom. We immersed the images and read Puja magazines. there were magazines published during those days and we devoured them. i have stopped doing that last two years. it is unreadable words of only bhakti. Now we have india swept away under bhakti even in polls and nothing left...

with my recent interest in tibet i got 30 or more books video travelogues; some i owned and some i got from library. besides i also went through lot of dalai lama. in one word, they were very disappointing i refuse to believe if jataka stories were contemporary of sakyamuni or that they were were just spun off several centuries after buddha. i saw one bengali buddhist atisha came to tibet around 7 or 8 centuries. his writings became so called tibetan buddhism. i also read lot of tantrik work interlinked  with tibetan buddhism. kali. we also have parallely kailash and shiva as if to keep balance of mind. tantrik i saw exactly same as what is prevalent in bengal or rajasthan and perhaps elsewhere. i myself witnessed some bengali tantrik making a show of drinking eating meat tamasha and mantras. distasteful. after lot of thorough study of dalai lama and his doctrine of love compassion and reincarnation ~ i do not see anything worth practicing or achieving. a thousand or more ...

I remember wajid the always smiling colleague of mine forever obliging and devout muslim i took so many advantage of him not ever knowing where he lived and his people what unbelievable affection to an unknown person like me unforgettable smile i remember santosh da died early but again unforgettable his smile and accomplishment i do not know the reason but he was rusticated from his school he used to practice bowing in his house premise not playing with us i was totally astonished by his ability to harmina faultlessly i was totally puzzled to see his collections of magic his love marriage did not possibly love more than a day he died very young from accident he always excelled after he did i cannot forget my love for chandra unconditional that i could not reciprocate despite she needed the same in her loneliness ~ no excuse

i reach the inevitable end of my words. i am devoid of knowledge and cannot assume knowledge. i do not know my world. I don't even know it's existence. Unless I assume. However it is impossible to think anybody's thought if any if there is one. I am even confused what i see now is not thousand years old or future! All lies. is there an angler who has emptied me of love compassions and my dependence on seeking love and happiness from my world? i am banished from my world and my words it was not my choice

take heart rahul, india needs you. of course a thorough rethinking is required to end all the poison reeled at you for your ancestors who shaped india of today. modi may have won the election but he is empty headed Beggar asking sympathy for his impoverished background promising nothing. he is yet to to think of anything that he can possibly deliver. He is already thinking of his strategy for next election. chaiwallah to chowkidar to what next. if any progress seen so far in india ~ it is the end for sometime to come. bhaktas can come this far but no further. there definitely going to be prevalence of loot mar and killing unleashed in the subcontinent by bhaktas. they are looking for immediate benefit and cannot wait. modi has already minimised the relevance of education and its usefulness for the country. we have seen election victories of paswan in the past that is recorded in guinness book; but that did not do any good to his community but only prosperity for himself. get ove...

having developed a fish model of me and angler Me who let me go wander in an aquarium; and hallucinate a galaxy of fishes in the aquarium; and gathering experiences and formulating truth time and technology for future generations like me trying to liberate from the trap; that i could not achieve ~ i am wondering now if history ever tells us anything at all? after 10000 years from now if we shall not learn anything at all; though, we may be trillion times more informed; and we not only have determined to our satisfaction and charted maps and shapes of all the galaxies and shape of universe and its life course. do we progress at all? can we progress at all? can we ever hope to be out of the aquarium? aquarium is of fixed size and shape and it shall not change. although we are free to establish scientifically and measure its expanse and then conclude either it is expanding or contracting. I am talking about the aquarium i am trapped in and being played by my angler. i can take ...

is there an alternative to me? I wish there is a rock to rest. There isn't moment's escape from me. I have to cry when grieved. I have to suffer pain and my disease...I am not ever allowed to be on my own. I am forever seeing and hearing my echo. Ghosts inescapable. I have to see my dream that I am fed up of seeing. i am fish hooked and i cannot escape and the line's other end originates at the iron fist of Me .... playing with me. when will i be lifted out of water and unhooked put away in the basket ending my misery? when will my game end?

most of my time i have been spending last 70 years ~ not earning but doing what i love most ~ reading or writing. they open my senses into another person's world and view point. however i do not enjoy any motivated writing drawing attention to one's prejudice. i am not interested to know nor imagine. i cannot stop such writing but certainly would like to avoid reading them. they are self inflicted pain to me that i can easily avoid. my interest in news thus is very reduced and i hardly follow them. two countries of interest to me are no longer is of my interest. initially i was drawn to criticizing prejudice. but now i do not do that. if somebody hypothesize that by distributing money poverty can be eliminated and famine can be solved ~ I do not read those literature. i instead like not to hypothesize or ask others to follow me. no matter whatever was my earlier viewpoints; today i am reluctant to make any suggestion to change my world; rather i would not mind if none in m...

sakyamuni buddha what is his contribution that i am affected by him after 2500 years? i have read some story of jataka and his early life of prince married to two beautiful sisters to keep him settled at home in luxuries and love. i also read about his first encounter with realities of the world ~ hunger disease senility and death. them he did not encounter in that short span of life of his youth within palace boundaries. and he had to leave his home ~ in search of true home in the wide open world. i have not read anything from sakyamuni himself. vyasa valmiki shankaracharya wrote volume of poetry essays and composition and even distributed among people without knowledge of alphabets. they were brilliant and captivated me from the age of two as soon as i was speaking words. but what did shakyamuni gave to the world that is unforgettable by the world after 2500 years? even i am now 70 affected. as far as i know they are two symbols that can be seen in every statue of saky...

in the beginning of 2019, i asked raghu who makes his living from market research about the situation on the ground in India. he said, the same market of bhakti and emotion is ruling and India is fated for another 5 years of bjp. who knows what is next? long back i created a forum of closed door discussions among isi educated from kolkata. i owned the group and critically moving the group towards any research towards examination of one belief - scientific economic philosophy that examines one's own superstitions. i was writing about 90% of the total input and encouraging others personally to contribute from their personal and professional engagements - especially those who are engaged in financial investment academic pursuits, sports or literature, whatever no boundary. i wished to avoid politics and dogma and strictly prohibited writings to be lifted from this closed group isikolkata to outside world. it was primarily became an attack weapon to minimize or ridicule others on the...

election came and gone. india won. india did not lose from no invasion greek rome mongol persian british whatever despite destructions looting inhumanity from human. india survived calamities on daily basis ~ flood famine disease hunger drought typhoons tsunami and earthquakes. india is resourceless but survived and fortunately gave the world the only way forward after destruction. it is not better india BUT THE SAME INDIA. after my first trip to US in early 1989, I landed a t Santa Cruz. i was standing in queue for taxi for domestic airport. i was very much pushed and jostled, irritated i looked back and i found it not indian but a white big american and she said unapologetic - back to india and indian techniques otherwise i would be forever standing. things do not move in india unless pushed with money or muscle. india did not change as far as history goes. from epics ramayana mahabharata we know it was same india many millennia ago. i read so much of history from babur ge...

i am not a slave I am free by my own choice my slavery is not negotiable i am not slave   and i am not under any beck and call and i do not need any certificate of freedom i am free and i do not earn my freedom and i break all promises without notice i am not available and  i do not imagine think remember or respond i am absent ~  my presence is not negotiable ~ my response is not negotiable ~ my memory is not negotiable ~ i do as i please when i please and i have no consideration for any i am i and i am not any and i know me and i do not think about me under no compulsion and duress i challenge and defy nature my ability my life my people my world  i am not expecting ~ it is my choice when i am liberated >>>> no choice i alone can liberate me just now and it cannot delayed another moment all is always right

i cannot break the vow of silence i cannot break my vow of no memory i cannot break my vow of no expectation i cannot break my vow of innocence i cannot break my vow of perceiving all without exception with no further imagination. Can anyone help me keep my vow? dawn of intelligence :  Who is in charge of me? Weather? My body? My finance? My mind? My family? My country? My acquaintances? Law? Police? Court? Regulation? People? My oaths? My ancestors? Constitution? Established norms? Opinions? Who is my boss? Me or some other? Am I slave of my past or my future or my present? Can I be slave ?   Can i be dictated my words love passion feelings actions or thoughts? Do I have the right to be me and me alone and not defined and remain not defined? Do I not have the right to be mad and total insane and not having approval of any and do whatever I may please and not approved by any?  am I forced always to do? Do I have no mind of my own? Am I robot ? Ca...

all is my world i have already blasted my world it halo around me like saturn's ring and leaving me anytime soon unless they naturally vanish away from me but they shall not go i need my ring for my daily living and i am dependent on my ring i need all for all the bad things they do to me i need all the good things do to me i wish to eliminate my ring i must love and respect them as they are ~ all as they are i do not have to shut any door i do not have to open any door all as they are is not threatening to me i am not changeable i am the only source of all all are trying to reach me  i have to give them my love and respect in my world i cannot deny them my love and respect it is unbearably painful for me there is no way to heal myself from my self inflicted wound ~ i am stabbing me all the time by disrespecting and not loving my surrounding all as they are without change ~ none need be change for my sake ~ none need respect me or love me for getting my...

i am the most unrespectable person i know. i have tried to earn respect and i was unable. it is my feature words and wealth ~ i was not respectable to any men or women. i tried to follow many who have been success in their and i uniquely became unsuccessful in my life. this my private writing and i do not wish to create sympathy in anyone. i am suffering from ailments. i cannot fund 4 adults in my home. i have asked for help to bear the expense of my household. 15000 per annum. i got my alms of 800 this month with rebuke from my spouse. i cannot get accustomed to her filthy words and stealing attitude. others left home. buddha chaitanya but i am stuck. i am old and sick and poor. not earning. there is no future for me. it is conceived by my family that it is desirable that i am dead and then they are better off with my savings that they cannot lay their hands on as long as i am alive. this is the treatment i deserve and earned. i must remain mute since i am not quali...

i happen to be the only witness and reader of my verse written in vanishing ink no only there is none to corroborate my story but i can be sued in any justice system if i ever try to claim authenticity of claim my logical mind does not seem convinced to apply all my information to predict next moment next excitement or my disappearance in the role of witness in the absence of any reason for any occurrence of event i cannot assume written words of others and cannot build them into my machine as infallible i leave that to imaginative minds of astrologer to predict future of my world tomorrow a year hence or decades from now at the time of end of my world i have lost dependendability to my world in short or long term is dependable unless i am determined to fool myself and addicted to feel good no matter what the reason for feeling good is the reason for not feeling good i am composed with some bias that is not in my world i have tried my best to rid me of my version of th...

tapan das sarkar i don't know where he is and what he is for a brief period he was at isi and in mstat stream but frequent visitor in hostel but i never seen him in class he was very mysterious boy casanova of some sort i do not remember if he graduated or not he perhaps had an elder brother and father living but no mother he studied in some rkm school he was poker faced soft spoken and confidential i found no merit in him to be associated with him although i was also very casual about my studies but he was sort of hero to some of his batchmates - asit and proloy suddenly one day he appeared very dried up and he called on me it was a long story and very fascinating he was having affairs with two sisters at the same time and he was found out and driven out by both he had a nervous breakdown and put in an asylum he tried to get out but severely beaten and driven back among the inmates he tried to tell that he is normal and educated and claimed himself mstat the inm...

is it worthwhile to remember this moment of perception of mine? we have two words dharmaraksha chakra and sudarshan chakra ~ objective wise they mean the same thing a circling blade that do not allow entry of any terrestrial thought object perception past the circling blade around empty space ~ thoughtless existence it shreds away me my body my mind my intellect and all my ties with my terrestrial object the blade is the differentiation of truth from false chakra is automation of circling blade is this moment perceived by me once in my life time or repeatable? what is my observation and its classification? in order it to be repeatable, i must observe if it occured any time in my life all the comparisons i make fetching moments from my memory is futile however i do not realize the same until and unless i make a thorough memory scan of my life time repository of knowledge it takes lot of efforts to realize that every moment is once in life time event and not worth writ...

logic is a tool to create my world and i have used it extensively further i was very convinced my construction steadfast faith in logic there few only rules that of negation induction and deduction however basis of logic where i can apply my rules are entirely my hypothesis and they are never true as a result i have my world where all is true and false at the same time however the home has very assumption ~ it cannot be without love what is my idea of love ~ my mother who was constantly present who provided everything for me i did not have to ask i had no ability to recognize my need now i have the same faith this world is my mother no woman in this world going to fulfil what my mother provided for me i cannot expect that from anyone i wish i did not grew up an adult where everyone i meet is seeking from me and i cannot seek i wrongly or erroneously constructed my world assuming love but the world does not have any love anywhere stealing robbing cheating grabbing .......

internet makes it easy to sell and buy commodities you may have. all are not farmers buying or selling live stocks grains vegetables some are traders selling groceries some are processors of ready goods for consumption some are suppliers of cooking materials daily wears cosmetics reading and writing materials some selling automation locomotion property transportation entertainment .... we avail all these paying for usage of internet to the provider however most of our time we spend exchanging some commodity over internet that is not for sell to earn money we sell and buy friendship honor popularity in the market place provided by facebook instagram whatsapp and they do not charge for our use i am retired not earning money but spend lot of my wakeful idle hours using internet writing for some blog and facebook initially i was thinking that i am doing good for many teaching people how to be happy with themselves soon i found out that i am fooling myself i am cheating ot...

victor chan's book is giving the glimpse of some part of my world i was never aware of it is telling me about my ignorance and hypothesis to stop me from doing i thought as impossible. it is possible and happening. pages below are from the book and not in sequence, may not be very legible. https://www.barefootcollege.org/about/ https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Barefoot_College https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bunker_Roy https://www.ted.com/talks/bunker_roy page3 page 5 page 6 page7 page8 page9 page10 page1 page2 page4

while silence is show of knowledge but being brief is show of ignorance https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/K%C4%81lid%C4%81sa kalidas is second generation poet who wrote complete verses on stories and characters from ramayana and mahabharata he was born idiot in his land there was a very beautiful lady who was learned in vedas and vedanta many had ambition to be her groom but was defeated by her and rejected by her for their shallow knowledge of dharma and self knowledge they wished to teach her a lesson they discovered kalidas sitting on a far side of a branch trying to cut the branch from the tree they fetched him out and first taught him not to make any noise but answer questions of this lady by sign only - very brief - sign of zero one two and many question of this learned lady were already known the lady was informed that kalidas had taken vow of silence but however he was ready for her questions the trained kalidas passed the questioning session by showing number signs...

i often talk about education i ask why education is needed then i go on to answer the question they are: education gives us ability to sort out or filter truth from false education repairs broken hearts and broken world education helps one to be unbreakable unchangeable whole ~ the kernel of universe ~ the source and destination education helps one to reach the summit ~ the space within heart and the world disintegrates to dust and disappear  education is the map to reach permanent home, the destination of all paths ~ the footprint never lost and none is capable of losing ~ innocence without trace of knowledge i cannot add anymore. i have been reading dalai lama and his various interactions with over many years who work for humanity in our time. i came to know of robert moore shirin ebadi fazal hassan abed gell-mann ... telling them about compassion and love. his prescription in very few words and holding hands and not letting them go till understood. according to ...

love certainly derives meaning from its opposite hate is not then hate is love and love is hate? two offsprings of innocent ignorant me unless i already know hate i cannot perhaps know love can ever objects of my love and my hate disappear yes them have to when i am determined not to leave my home compulsions or reason may be many physical inability mental inability to perceive change in my environment inability to perceive now as is my boro dada spoke once about his love he said that he loves his family and it is his blindness and he perceives no wrong i believe him because i personally witnessed this behavior of him every time i met him my second eldest brother is argumentative he always is right and would not stop at that but seek agreement from the person who is wrong while we would like to avoid him my boro dada would go to sleep snoring no sooner the second one is making a crucial argument my boro dada had the concept of unconditional love for his fami...

about 10 years back i spent about 3 months at boeing i was asked to stay back for some more time by the firm i was representing but i declined it was not the kind of environment i could endure during this time i visited the boeing facility where they make plane it was about 4 miles stretch width about two miles and height of 5 storied building where there were parallel assembly line of all passenger and cargo jets are being built 787 747 737 ... 707 dreamliner was very eagerly awaited to beat all competition to become the flagship of achievement boeing is unthinkable technology corporation before being beaten by drug peddlers favorites of wall street - facebook google apple microsoft ... it was truly breathtaking assimilation and demonstration of giant achievement dreamliner itself is made up of nonmetal synthetic material so huge and without analogous description the crane operators are in ceiling hanging so high and needed to be out frequently to cool themselves ma...