nowthenafter

I have an inexhaustible basket of fresh fruits of supply from me for my karma nd since I am a fan of automation. It is pension for rest of my life with a difference. Fruits of my karma constantly pop into my mouth and melting into my being sparing me the trouble of doing anymore karma. even thinking. even looking. without my asking.  without my wishing. without my waiting I have no need. I cannot have any need. My surroundings and environment is auto cleaned freshened deodorized for my supreme living. without pleasantness. without unpleasantness. without time. without me. without my doing. without my thinking. without my seeing. without any. My karma and its fruit and The description of its taste is given below: [ who am I? I must have got blind in some previous birth. Long long ago. I never remember anytime when i was with eyes and not blind. As a result I had very limited senses and very worried about losing. I make it a habit of remembering. My bank...

administration recognize climate change playing havoc in midwest - fake news tsunami hitting alaska after 7.0 scale earthquake - fake news 80 dead 800 missing 8000 home destroyed in california - fake news president took all help from anybody and everybody putin wikileak hackers - fake news president bribing mbs - fake news president appoint AG without senate approval - fake news sex lies videotape - fake news

I cannot be any less. I am the sole composer of my world though I am so much fed up about it that I pushing it over the edge of nothing. Many million billion light years away. One node from me it is wiped clean out of existence. i nodded and my world is no more. i lost my teddy bear and I am not bothered. I can't care for my composition and how much vibration it is making. As it is it never existed. Its meaning is one and only ~ fake one hundred percent. nothing even to talk about. without even looking what i am losing i undergo all loss. can i care for my feeling? that much i care. Enlighten is enough. I trembled enough. I grieved enough. I vomited enough. I smoked enough. I eaten enough. I talked enough. I lied enough. I cared enough. Enough for a life time. I quit now. I has no sense. No eyes. No memory. First time every time. Idiot learn. I cannot .

one glimpse at me i lost my world most of life I thought any loss can be overcome and consoled myself for the temporary grief now i know no loss is possible to overcome it is permanent my loss of my world is not recoverable in one stroke i lost the resource that made my world possible I lost use of my memory and my imagination i cannot regret nor appreciate i lost my speech repertoire of words i am rendered silent every day loss is loss my 68 plus years loss is permanent cannot be overcome i have to goodbye all everyday and any moment without missing a beat or breath i cannot even look back and recollect one glimpse of me and my world is set forever never to rise again i am a past gambler denied entry in the casino for all time door to my world is forever closed what a purposeless ostracized existence window shopping my world is billion million light years away

you being an illusion of mine i am not sure of your existence even if you beat me up or start litigation against me no matter how much you hurt me i have no option and forget you instantly you do not exist even when i assume you are you may have your own world they are definitely not mine whatever i write in my blog here is not at all relevant to you it is only exclusively for me please do not waste your time Contrary to my believe my world is not rosy there is no future in my world My world is the meanest and darkest thing imaginable I have no illusion left there is no love giving or sharing in my world I am squeezed dry like a lemon i am squeezed to give up everything and everyone My world is to skin me live and out of my existence It is dry and hopeless there is no moral no lesson to learn except one it is futile to imagine love my world is dark and forever shall be so i hear always my world is dark because i am so i am so the darkest meanest without ano...

i am struggling with holding my interest in hieroglyphs from ancients or any kind since i have no use for it. i do not have literature from ancient to read and know the advancement they made in science and technology. i only see their achievement cannot get to know their strategy or technology to lift weight without crane without electrical or diesel power. Or did they have? i cannot move a nano millimeter from the center of world none of my visions make any appearance nor am i inclined to roam my world to find out I do not have to. unlike many contemporary thinkers i have no belief in creativity or ingenuity. My disgust with current state of the technology only makes me disgusting about future. yesterday there was some conference in brussels where Apple ceo and ibm ceo talked one after another. both tried to convey that usa progress in technology is stunted due to google facebook amazon etc who are minting money by selling private information. it is harming all honest effort ...

he was founder of axiomatic system and can be said the founder of logic his postulate of parallel lines and its independence from other postulates of plane geometry makes wonder about time before him I know about egyptian and their written language 5000 years back conceived so rational that we could read them even now and learn from scratch written scripts from harappa and mohenjo daro are yet to be read all good came for human to set them apart from mesopotamia 12000 years back we learnt to make wheel we learnt farming we learnt to make city garden sculpture and whatever they built hanging garden that defies gravity but numbers do not matter is the contribution by hindus unthinkable even today each human born has to discover it by himself and cannot be taught truth exist forever hidden never ever seen in the universe we live in and we live in circles for ever and ever we rationals repelled away from center no matter how much we learn we do not learn the truth or wha...

i have an address now that i have been searching for my life i learnt very early in my life before i started even reading that i needed a permanent address and unforgettable one i learned to look at the sky and listen to stories of dhruva dhruva found his address and is pole star now used by human to find their location i have been consistently chased by a dream very unnerving one i often woke up sweating i am looking for my that i cannot find lost hopelessly in isolation without clue and none anywhere can help i needed to end my search and did not wish to search again i am home i can never be away from home or lost independent of time location coordinate unknown my neck eyes body memories are not my fixed location nor i need determine my location with the help of people or pole star whole world revolve around including my memory body sense mind knowledge relations intellect i am the and fixed point it is not planet sun or universe i make all move around me i c...

i am the ascetic supremo unknown in history i do not wear Rolex iPhone i do not ride rolls royce mercedes or bmw i do not live multistory house I do not wear pinstripe suits and dress shirts I do not wear italian shoe belt purse I do not wear french cuff links eudicolon I do not wear english tie i do not listen to beethoven I cannot digest restaurant food wine or drinks i cannot afford medicine doctor lawyer i am fond of simplicity i have a watch that has no numbers and needles however i am rich i have infinite reserve of time all denominations time is money and i do not spend time i save time in every possible ways not doing not knowing not saying not earning not working not thinking not imagining i do not engage in doing whatever others do i do not lend time i am not just lazy i am the owner of all time time units timelines spacetimes  time spaces time parallels time spirals time setter time getter time independents time dependents history present futu...

I am no longer sure i am not sure of my uneasiness procedure or cure i am sure it is observable since i am observing the same i am not sure if any action from my part and its result more or less i am sure i can ignore no matter what without looking counting remembering learning touching understanding or doing

I have seen me i know me i see me now then and after i know who i am even without senses or identity or memory without doubt i am me and only me without any further thinking i cannot be anything or anyone else i am absent origin dead still center of my world I have no skin no hair no body no structure no mind no sense no intellect no reason no logic no inference no doubt no relation no home no word no wish nothing not even this I know who i am in words deeds without words without deeds without thinking i am responsible for all and i bear all i am all none can ever exist and yet not me i am always seeing me all is my hallow i am the hollow i am not imaginative i have to perceive all my imagination as they are without further reflection or imagination i cannot escape i do not like to imagine i no longer enjoy my imagination joy i am giving or joy i am getting joy i can get or joy i can give I cannot be curious i cannot know i cannot satisfy any curiosity i ca...

suyodhan and sushasan were names given by their mother gandhari at their birth. but they changed their names to Duryodhan and dushasan. I am no sanskrit scholar. for me the meanings are he who earns wealth by cheating and he who is a unjust ruler. another meaning that is floated around: difficult to fight and i do not buy the same. Dhan is wealth. Duryo is evil. Duryon means evil person. that is that. I see the similarity with the story of Dhritarashtra and his son Duryodhan with that SA king Salman and his son MBS. One old and incapable to rule but make a total transition from rule of ascendance to his son somehow and anyhow. he is blind in his choice of next. i do like to predict - man proposes but god disposes. duryodhan fell in just 18 days despite all his clout as a crown prince to a non fighter yudhisthir who does not fight in a battle field. the crown passed to him dhritarashtra was forced to retire.

talking sense to trump is most insensible thing to do he is hardwired and he computes within seconds what is in it for him he thanked himself for the great job he has done so far for in thanksgiving his objective function is simple what is there for him at this moment his preferred place to stay is mar la go this hotel belongs to him that us government must pay i have two children the elder and younger they grew up in usa learning fast the freedom that is in the air without society and freedom of indulgence money is the yardstick and not the method of earning they asked me what have i done with my life why did i not steal just like everybody given the freedom of choice i only did for them and not me in my household the norm is how much i get from you without doing anything elder was in the company of smart indians sri lanka asians etc with loose morals without future hungry always university education was devoted to making friends easiest way to get a degree ...

for 45 years and  knuth was my technical author of choice. I have possessed his publishing books for about three years. now i possess all other writings including book on his search in bible. I have read them about 50%. When I was young i used to spend my time solving problems from art of programming series. experimentally i searched technology supremo google for max(a,b) or min(a.b) as a function of arithmetic function of a and b. after many iteration i gave up. I wish google consumes Art of Computer Programming books and other books that we learn from. thieves are committed for life time in stealing. perfecting the art of stealing. I was not at all interested in his MIX machine and his programs written in them. Only recently nothing interesting to read i picked up his book on combinatorics. it is the first part of the 4th volume of Art of Computer programming. someway i like writing algorithms for problems of combinatorics. I enjoyed magic square as a child. i came across va...

I usually go to sleep after lunch around 4 o'clock i get up for cooking dinner and go to bead around 12 midnight I am awake from 5 am my activities is limited to writing my daily thoughts reading some technology book reviewing technology market place searching online marketplace for my needs shopping retailers for my groceries watching netflix some serials i am watching an art serial in mute and without caption books on progress are knuth volume 4a egyptian hieroglyphics nodejs machine learning . .  . many years back i travelled for shopping on black fridays now i don't but i needed to buy my groceries and i went to walmart around 7 am it was deserted as deserted as desert can be i finished my purchases and looked out to the section of electronics goodies none is buying smart tv or phone or essentials - bed comforter kitchen utilities or clothes at the check out i was the only person with several helping associates waiting around me to help - my bi...

random is an object that changes its properties over time. as if there is a tracking device following the object. How? somehow and it is not important. we focus on observations of the object that is random. there is of course a fixed observer with respect to the random variable unless otherwise the object can not be random. probabilists the fixed point assume further sequence of random variables and presumes their randomness - identical and or otherwise often they pick on identical random variable next they pick on time sequence and to make life easier they forget what were chosen so far and chose again - they call it an independent object observation the objects belonging to the same population is further assumed to be identical - i am not criticizing suppose i am dipping a device on the same river at the same location at different time - i get sequence of water speed - they are random presumably - I am not critique this fow speed data can be integers (every minut...

i cannot be me jk am shankara valmiki vyasa buddha honorable dishonorable human animal living nonliving ....I must stop worshiping and wishing 

now may be the beauty and most pleasant occupation no matter what now is I break my tie with now and turn away I leave forever now is not needed I do not wish to be occupied seeing thinking or doing I thought there is no option to now it is my root it is not and it was there always and it shall be always my attention is not now I do not perceive now I have no need for now I permanently abandon now not again now is needed I have nothing to burn bury give or leave I leave all me as they are untouched unseen unheard unknown undone

I have turned my attention away from me and my world and supposed to be insensitive to whatever going on in my world. I am riding a boat without destination. am I? do i have a choice? I tried to keep my boat steady before i switched my attention to  i  in total control and only law of my universe. no more wishing otherwise. i cannot turn my head any longer. not in this life. not in any life. unfortunately my boat is rocked and rocking hard. my investment is same as what had been before in 2017. my mortgage interest has increased by 2% courtesy the great economist astrologers who predict inflation and money availability in market to stop unexpected crash in stock market. and that is happening. their mantra in song song voices does no tuning of stock market. i do not regret this happening more than 2 years back saying internet toy manufacturer are rotten boat that can never stabilize us economy. they are bunch of thieves. no wonder they are headed by geedy indians corru...

cauchy distribution is the probability distribution of two normally distributed independent random variable (X/Y) where Y has mean 0. Both mean and variance is undefined for a random variable having  Cauchy probability distribution. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cauchy_distribution The central limit theorem we earlier talked about that has connection with big data sellers claim as their book of truth. Cauchy distribution is a counterexample to all their claim. it has two parameters theta >0 and sigma>0 that determines the distribution density function. Its sample average too is Cauchy with same theta and sigma. Given a large sample N we can get a good guess for theta and sigma considering median of the sample.

though i do not know i keep writing about  only. i can easily keep all reference unsaid unwritten since the only one. all my words only describe. is subject object and target. until i saw i hade hope future and past and my place in earth my pride and now i have none. all has disappeared like smoke and they shall never return. can speak who else talks to me and explains to me so that i understand. but all talks personal i would never follow. is from another planet or system or galaxy i now or can know if i try. but is unknowable. being none. root is unimaginable. only imaginable can be understood. all my imaginations are perfectly understandable to me. whatever i look at disappears as holy smoke all terrestrial and their god or creator if any desert has hope but not me i have to accept my loneliness my vacuum and living without purpose i only understand philosophies stories of living in vacuum i can only write about disappearance and none about appearance

this book was written by aubrey menen and I bought it many times and read it once. i have given away my copies to many i know who i thought would benefit from reading this. like upanishads this i know and chance upon it many times in a day. the book starts thus: I naively did not follow anything from this book. i liked jk reading very appealing to my intellect and i followed that. he said something like thus: Suppose you are first person in the history in search of yourself without any predecessor to help you out with your query, what would you do? I read upanishads. in my early childhood i read puranas mahabharata ramayana. i read shankaracharya's many mastery essays and comments. i read many books of very many authors including rajneesh. i followed however following advice jiddu as a first man with my library of past memories of life long experience. I was turning very slowly towards me away from my world and pride. i was not in a hurry. my search was with me always fr...

neither near nor far. no escaping. i cannot see unless i imagine i no longer like to imagine it is effort. no escaping. despite all attempt I remain unimaginable unperceivable indescribable unthinkable nothing. not nothing. not even this face to face I see i am absent but always present even when me and my world is missing. i never appears in my composition of me and my world. I am my imagination but i is not my imagination. i is private. Me is public present in my world always with a role surrounded by people. Me and my world is transient projection of my imagination revealed to me by i. i is the light that creates ever changing illusion - a reality show of my imagination. My imagination is a stencil.light projects it and I view it with or without all my senses. no escaping. I am the author of me and my world. i is not. no escaping. I have to see and know this. i is the easy chair I am always sitting on and hallucinating. I am guilty of imagining. fruit of my fertil...

I am rogue and uncompromising. I act not necessarily rationally or reasonably. Nothing can ever happen without my explicit consent and involvement. None can steal unless I intend. Trump cannot remain President unless I allow. Khasshogi would not have been killed without my permission. Campfire in California would not happened unless it was lit by me. I am as always directly involved and guilty. I am at the intersection of all events and happenings. nothing ever happens to me unless I allow. i am insulated. i cannot get, even if i am desirous that some from my world remain same and I spend any number of lives seeking the same. this i am able to do being absolute. but for what use. i cannot even smoke drink eat bath or burn. i am permanently confined in empty space alone living in fantasy. [ mullah used to carry a huge door wherever he went. the door had an address a house number and a lock. He liked to be buried with that door above and the key buried alongsi...

My curiosity of buddha bodhisatta mahabir christ and those rare flowers that grow in himalayas and sometimes seen rarely in cities living naked like mad man have died as soon as i wished to be one. I did not go after them to know but withdraw into myself to know me. my inspiration of my life. I read totally about 150 pages of nietzsche in english language. I knew him as a brilliant and philosopher who did expose himself publicly living his philosophy and writing about himself as i do. he was unlike socrates who died positively drinking poison surrounded by his disciples thanking his belief that his death was painless. I do prefer painless death and ensure one by not knowing till my end. in fact i know i am immortal though my environment has never been so. it is forever changing and i am not affected. i got this stability looking at me - i mean by my lack of depth erudition and not being bright. i am not believer. nietzsche was comforting a horse severely lashed by its owne...

how much of the fiction of today is true? I do not subscribe to my corporation and what they sell I do not know. How superior is iPhone to my Axon - i shall never find out. I shall not find out how superior living in Paris is. I shall not know what superior race is British white. I shall not know the depth or extent of knowledge was during the time of vyasa or valmiki than scientific erudition of today's time. I cannot determine what makes human offspring look similar in appearance to its parent. I do not know for sure the technology behind the same - dna gene and their manifestation in the living body. why one is tall or fat? is there any redundancy in our body. can we be without redundancy? what is the perfection? what knowledge make one better off. what is perfect happy living. the composition of activity inactivity intoxication dining drinking talking mixing excitement needed to be living without unhappiness. what is digit 0 or one? conducting and nonconducting? ho...

I may try, I cannot see or show

a few hours in police barack in Bahrain for taking photograph of training flight planes outside the airport was some learning enough for me to quit bahrain. it was about 40 years ago. easy money easy living easy honor ware not very attractive. I was not committed. i learnt the divide among the populace ruled and the ruler. ruler survive from support from outside. ruled lives on donation. rulers also require the support for their activities and ruling from outsiders residents and nonresidents. The tool is money and value of money. Over forty years diner is constant against usd. while dollar of course seeing inflation of 2 plus % every year. petrol is no longer less than dollar but more than 2 dollar. money has power as long as it is with few and very few. some can accumulate it but most are not allowed to because power becomes distributed. for outsider power is hope. for insider power is despair. wh in washington power outside is hope be it putin or mbs but not xi. it is not same...

the only company still cared about technology among us corporations is oracle my author does care about my predictions his is different rules that is missing in my domain recently with objections from oracle however many other corporations are training their malicious guns towards oracle exposing vulnerability of oracle warehouse product oracle is by far the best db technology we have and us corporation without exceptions are using them including ibm microsoft amazon apple google ... it is of course the business reason cloud is of course easy way to make money from infrastructure and the facilities provided is sort of advertisement to attract business none of the technology offerings can compete with oracle big data is wasteful resource to provide result but good for business cloud providers since they sell infrastructure based on a rent Microservices again popularized as solution to client server technology is yet to deliver solution in a distributed environment there ar...

joya did not take any employment but started doing business at home i adapted in a manner there cannot be any noise from my side no matter what she is busy or doing somehow i could not get busy without getting tired i was born with low energy after i retired her medical insurance was covered under cobra coverage that lasts for 18 months and could not be extended it expired in early this month i risk with health and wealth and i am not covered though i have insurance she has to take a test every month and visit doctor every month and take medicine throughout the day early morning she starts her day with bath and puja and throughout the day when she is not watching film or talking she is chanting or praying i have made it clear to her by refusing to touch anything done by her for my sake i do all the same for everything for my family as long as i can afford without asking from anyone i have seen my expense for me is less than 500 per month joya's expense for her medi...

can I be displaced or moved by my feelings? can i be attracted repelled or disturbed by my growing or falling hairs? I am present and the reasons for my hairy appearance I am present when all my hairs are absent can i be shown or seen? i suppose so always i cannot hide I cannot change I cannot hurry i am absolute meaning and substance of all all is me i cannot be less or more I am i cannot be [Yudhisthir lived without knowledge and he did not die he was unlike many who learn from life he earned his living without knowledge he maintained his silence he only answered he never asked he lived his life in a casino playing against casino and yet survive] [children are innocent and born immortal they are born with knowledge that they do not know them or environment  they never die until they learn no knowledge is solution to struggle for living innocence is solution for living without struggle]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oNAFI3Lh97Y https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XIs6LB3b2Yo Lot of technology is developed from imagination alone. I have talked about AI that has been there for 100 years now. You train machines to learn from past classification data and test machine intelligence with test data. Gather further data in the actual environment and make machine learn further. Algorithm to make machin better performing. More is training data, better is learning. In China it appears there is no credit card or cash transaction. Their form of payment is mobile payment. It eliminates error from stolen device. It incorporates face recognition. Imagine an entire road system where all vehicles are self driven. It is so much more comfortable being driven by car without human driver eliminating human error. Car perfectly balancing distance speed and road (is equipped with facilities describing itself to passing vehicles). Vehicles assimilating this information would never jump o...

casino is a place where gamblers stick for their life yesterday I was talking about central limit theorem and markov chain Lyapunov CLT. [5]  Suppose  { X 1 ,  X 2 , … } is a sequence of independent random variables, each with finite expected value  μ i  and variance  σ 2 i . Define {\displaystyle s_{n}^{2}=\sum _{i=1}^{n}\sigma _{i}^{2}} If for some  δ  > 0 ,  Lyapunov’s condition {\displaystyle \lim _{n\to \infty }{\frac {1}{s_{n}^{2+\delta }}}\sum _{i=1}^{n}\operatorname {E} \left[|X_{i}-\mu _{i}|^{2+\delta }\right]=0} is satisfied, then a sum of  X i  −  μ i / s n  converges in distribution to a standard normal random variable, as  n  goes to infinity: {\displaystyle {\frac {1}{s_{n}}}\sum _{i=1}^{n}\left(X_{i}-\mu _{i}\right)\ {\xrightarrow {d}}\ N(0,1).} In practice it is usually easiest to check Lyapunov's condition for  δ  = 1 . Now you may have petabyte of big data and c...

I completely turn my back to my world my body my mind my senses entire repository of history knowledge ancestors questions  answers afterwards after worlds PEOPLE Words sounds images ... events... I am turning back forever and i cannot look back even if i want to my back is turned on universe all hypotheses people divine divinity powers known or unknown reasons laws ....no exception my back is turned away from my world senses memory intellect and all the manifestations I am face to face eye to eye sense to sense perceiving me directly and nothing or none else it is exactly me but absent had been missing always without that world me all do not exist and cannot exist the missing link the missing block of the jigsaw puzzle What do i see? what is my color? black white blue green .... any color from my world experienced by me? no What do I hear? is it some sound from my world I heard before? no What do I sense? is it some touch or taste i felt before? no What ...

I do not know and I am always right I do not know I practice now and always I practice silence no matter what I do not pursue ~ knowledge - known or unknown, recognition, derecognition, influence or affluence, health, wealth, mobility or anything ,,,, now or ever My world is not enough to break my silence or make me move or engage me into any activity now or ever None or nothing is enough to recollect remember reminiscence or search my memory any library or internet or contact any one I am absent in my world now and after with or without option ~ I do not interfere and I my committed to my absence here now and after

I do not know what I know I do not what any knows I know I cannot know ... am I sure? I do not know first I do not know last I do not know always only word I know is innocence its meaning is silence i mean that i don't know i see with my innocent eyes i hear with my innocent ears i smell with my innocent knows i taste with my innocent tongue i feel with my innocent body i express my innocence - i don't know - my silence always Whatever be i know my coordinate I don't know

Whenever I am clueless for my next step dreams help me invariably. It shall pursue me many a days i get the way. other people gets advice but it is not my way. I must be innovative and find my own way. yes i must not deny personal education help me getting the insight into the problem. some books did help me on my self analysis till i got rid of them. never ever read them again but i dreamt around them from them. raja yoga help me find my coordinate. it is me and not place. i know why there is so much unsuccess when comes stability and what makes people talk looking for conformance. last night I got up from a very longish dream. I had gone to hear a talk given by Tony Boudier whom I watched intently for about 20 hours at least. He killed himself hanging in last August. I belonged to a place over 100 flats and it was large compound with many multi-storied building. I was unaware and forgot to note my address. I climbed into balcony realizing Tony was talking and knew him very well. I...

cosmetics can make impression that perhaps is ever lasting memory about thirty years back I borrowed a mac to see microsoft works in function. I was not able to achieve the apparent fast response mac could produce with word processor where did I go wrong in order to be fast I carried metrics characters for line for line this made scrolling faster however insertion or deletion did not happen as fast as i typed works in mac was clever as i hit insert or delete key and kept pressing it created a gap in the screen making two part one part does not change depending on the direction it just did not bother about the constant part but only displaying or removing characters the string is changing without bothering about formating till there is pause say for a second at least then displayed the content in the visible screen I learnt a lesson of cleverness to delay computation till user is finished with fast driving to be observant of broader perception of whole this borrowed had ...

that appeared all by itself creator of my world protector of my world destructor of my world how could they appear by themselves without a root or seed whoever has seen the answer is ब्रह्मा ज्ञानी 

What is the cure for my perpetual indigestion? I must touch nothing none. I must maintain total silence till indigestion cures by itself without trace with none of me and nor of any remaining.  I must not touch me. I must not get touched by any. Life time of patience is required. Indigestion cannot survive without my indulgence or me. Silence is my only reflection defense and response. I have nothing absent and I have no need ~ not even this. I am absolute.

Although world appears to remain outside me and my body is inside the world, it is quite opposite; world totally is within my stomach and causes indigestion ~ often. NO CURE. Memory is not a solution. how i got cured in the past is not a remedy. the same medicine has no effect. indigestion at last for my entire life that may stretch to infinity.... I am not upset, even if I have forever upset stomach unable to digest me or my world - my own creation! I cannot be less nor can be I more ~ I remain the same old horse' egg. There is none to blame. God too do not exist; nor can exist unless me. If and when I am not happy and an hour long nap does not cure my unhappiness - it is my blessings and I cannot complain. I am uncompromising, even when I know it is the reason for my indigestion. I am miserable. My indigestion most certainly cause my demise. Physically yes. I shall instantly perhaps wipe out my present world and start another afresh as soon as I get up from my drea...