ধৰ্ম

I have an inexhaustible basket of fresh fruits of supply from me for my karma nd since I am a fan of automation.


It is pension for rest of my life with a difference.

Fruits of my karma constantly pop into my mouth and melting into my being sparing me the trouble of doing anymore karma. even thinking. even looking.

without my asking.  without my wishing. without my waiting

I have no need. I cannot have any need.


My surroundings and environment is auto cleaned freshened deodorized for my supreme living.

without pleasantness. without unpleasantness. without time.


without me. without my doing. without my thinking. without my seeing. without any.


My karma and its fruit and The description of its taste is given below:



[

who am I?


I must have got blind in some previous birth. Long long ago. I never remember anytime when i was with eyes and not blind. As a result I had very limited senses and very worried about losing. I make it a habit of remembering. My bank of resources to fallback when my remaining senses too disappear.

No memories truly is lost forever. Unfortunately Trump too has to remember even when he forces himself away. he is dishonestly honest about being thief all his his life and it is his first obligation to himself to survive. As a dishonest and stealing and cheating always and climb into position where he can shut up all and open door for any who is shut up for public safety. He sees everybody just like him blind. He cannot imagine any person any different.

not selfish.

yes i was born blind and never looked at myself. I did not have eyes. I only saw outside and tongues hanging out i was sensing pleasure just like Trump and nothing else mattered.

me. me. me. always.

objects of my desire when went out of sight. i chose to forget but not turn my eye to myself.

till the time came when i was beaten and stoned like village idiot.

i noticed something i never noticed before.

i have seen many thousands of statues and photos of buddha but never saw his eyes. i saw his posture of a hand up showing a symbol jeero and did not know what it meant. i assumed lot of other meaning except no meaning. i thought it meant peace blessing and whatever.

Buddha is saying nothing in words and action from 2500 years ago now and for all time to come. Buddha in all his statues is mute spectator of all vandalism but he remains untouched.

Can I be like him? If I cannot, why?

I read shankara devotedly and learnt them by heart in my first reading. he gave a solution that is almost impossible to practice.

without any further imagination perceive all as is. and I could not. I mistakenly thought satisfying my desire is a way to eliminate the same. years passed away without any cure. I was withdrawn from sense object but not my cravings from them. I was addicted and glued to object of imagination expecting heavenly bliss.

I could not turn my head away.

I read a story of Shankara himself. He was on the tour of defeating famous learned reader and interpreters of Upanishads. Theoreticians but not practitioner. It was easy. But he was taught a lesson by a woman, wife of one such Pundit. Before the debate started she said I would be the judge and the method of determining the winner is the fresh flower garland that put on neck for  both of yours. The one loses freshness earlier is loser. Keshava garland lost the freshness earlier. However, she said, it is regarded that a married man is only half, she challenged Shankara to defeat her. Cleverly she asked to question him on women and sex. Shankara never had this experience. He asked for six months time. He indulged in sex with a deceased person's living female companions. He about forgot the time passing away being immersed in pleasures of body. He was brought to his senses when his disciples gathered around his house started chanting about his incomplete debate. Keshava wife however admitted a defeat after looking at him. His knowledge of women and sex was complete since he had been able to withdraw from those objects of his desire.

ascetic is withdrawn from his world - hunger for all kinds and all people without discrimination. 

sankara left out how to do that in his writing or his method of abstinence was infeasible for me to practice ~ i was addicted to pleasure of intellect

learning knowing and creation of intelligence in machines ~ programming and my fondness for my family and their perpetuity

like Jesus Christ i was hang on a cross till my death ~ i could not detach myself from my body

i had three enemies to turn away - my family my intellect my body - i could not look at me directly and discover my blindness that i am untouchable unchangeable unbridgeable distance away from my world.

i can never turn my eyes again and see my world.

the story of Shankara ends at age 32 ~ he was never again seen by anyone

i invented a solution that i practiced from my early childhood. when I am severely beaten, i would cry to sleep. i practiced sleeping in public places. i was successful.

i tried very very hard at long last to find out what is my problem and look at the problem.

it is me and i am born blind. it is unlike Dhritarashtra, the blind I read in Mahabharata. Dhritarashtra was very well aware of his limitation from his birth about his blindness; but me, I was never aware of my blindness.

turning my eye ball towards myself and turning my whites towards my world. i was entrapped glued perceived addiction of pleasure. I had to see me. it is the hardest thing to do.

Though I learnt this doing from no one. I of course got hints from many; but i was incapable of understanding them. i did not understand why any sane man would live naked all his life no matter what is environment ~ populated hot cold or raining; and he be without shelter people clothing money food water toilet possession or protection!

i can no longer give heed to my feelings - my must turn my blind to my feelings of any kinds and never submit myself to them again

i must abandon my feelings

i am looking at me. i can no longer turn my eyes away from me. i can no longer see my world i can no longer feel my world and be aware of presence of any around me.

I cannot care for my world. i cannot even see my world.

i am not allowed to take care of me.

is it possible to be present in my world turning away from me?

is not all me?

loss is loss is loss is loss ~ all is loss ~ irrecoverable ~ permanent



থামাই  বাজনা  হই  আশাহীন হই  শান্ত

নেই নেই নেই করার কিছুই নেই  ভাবার কিছু নেই বলার কিছুই নেই খাবার কিছুই নেই

বাঁচলো না কিছু বাঁচানো গেলো না কিছু

আমি আমি আমি শুধুই আমি

শুন্য


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