dinkar
dinkar was my colleague for one year at asci. when asci was breaking up after dr banerji, he wished i join him at new venture at patna an it service company. he promised me accomodation and food. i did not go. i had my dreams.
i was fond of dinkar. he did some ms from us. his reason for ms was his inferiority complex - his wife was phd in zoology from ranchi. he was always bubbling loud with enthusiasm. he was very interested in quizzing and drinking. he used to look forward to drinking at his home. he had a collection of records of folk music from caribbean island that he would play loud and sing loud. but his aim was to get knocked out at the end of the drinking session. the last episode. his wife would be silently watching his progress. after he gets knocked out, it is her responsibility to drag him to bed. nizwar another colleague of mine preferred to call him drinker. i used to live very far away from him in a hilltop stone cottage. on weekends he would travel about 50 kilometer to fetch me for companion. he did not know sadness or boredom. he would repeat the same joke quiz or song loudly and endlessly. he had a son - Nimesh means fraction of moment.
he had a theory of human being. all human beings without exception does some optimization. the object of optimization varies from one being to other. some optimize gas spent, some calorie intake, some money saved, ... some whatever.
this is the difference between a human and animal. snake perhaps looks for good catch, so that next is not required.
it is very seldom one is not optimising. the variable to optimise is allowed to be anything. dinkar wished a knockout at the end of the day, so that all optimizable variables around him shall be away till he wakes up and into what mess or hardship.
last night i was struggling to sleep. i got up around 2:30 and did not have much sleep upto 6. finally when i got up it was past 12. i could not blame me - there is a limit that one can sleep. on an average i am sleeping 10 hours and more everyday.
it occured to me while i was awake; if my life is dream why should i optimize anything in my life. why life and wait how long for its end. at the end of dream what truly is? it cannot necessarily be another dream with same characters and places? is it another dream? am i not sufficiently bored and exhausted dreaming?
i definitely do not want another sequel or episode.
for quite sometime i was sharpening my sentence while awake:
i am burning on the flame of my feelings ~ love anger grief jealousy hatred shame happiness sufficiency ...
are they not all streams of dreams i am pursuing life long
i do not like to optimize any of my feelings nor do i like to save them for future in my life after this life
i wish all my pipe dreams one by one disappear and i am sleeping dreamless without alcohol marijuana book thou thee places and characters ~ i am not seeing listening touching consuming philosophising ~ i am absent
and i do not have life now or after and of course no more dream
i was fond of dinkar. he did some ms from us. his reason for ms was his inferiority complex - his wife was phd in zoology from ranchi. he was always bubbling loud with enthusiasm. he was very interested in quizzing and drinking. he used to look forward to drinking at his home. he had a collection of records of folk music from caribbean island that he would play loud and sing loud. but his aim was to get knocked out at the end of the drinking session. the last episode. his wife would be silently watching his progress. after he gets knocked out, it is her responsibility to drag him to bed. nizwar another colleague of mine preferred to call him drinker. i used to live very far away from him in a hilltop stone cottage. on weekends he would travel about 50 kilometer to fetch me for companion. he did not know sadness or boredom. he would repeat the same joke quiz or song loudly and endlessly. he had a son - Nimesh means fraction of moment.
he had a theory of human being. all human beings without exception does some optimization. the object of optimization varies from one being to other. some optimize gas spent, some calorie intake, some money saved, ... some whatever.
this is the difference between a human and animal. snake perhaps looks for good catch, so that next is not required.
it is very seldom one is not optimising. the variable to optimise is allowed to be anything. dinkar wished a knockout at the end of the day, so that all optimizable variables around him shall be away till he wakes up and into what mess or hardship.
last night i was struggling to sleep. i got up around 2:30 and did not have much sleep upto 6. finally when i got up it was past 12. i could not blame me - there is a limit that one can sleep. on an average i am sleeping 10 hours and more everyday.
it occured to me while i was awake; if my life is dream why should i optimize anything in my life. why life and wait how long for its end. at the end of dream what truly is? it cannot necessarily be another dream with same characters and places? is it another dream? am i not sufficiently bored and exhausted dreaming?
i definitely do not want another sequel or episode.
for quite sometime i was sharpening my sentence while awake:
i am burning on the flame of my feelings ~ love anger grief jealousy hatred shame happiness sufficiency ...
are they not all streams of dreams i am pursuing life long
i do not like to optimize any of my feelings nor do i like to save them for future in my life after this life
i wish all my pipe dreams one by one disappear and i am sleeping dreamless without alcohol marijuana book thou thee places and characters ~ i am not seeing listening touching consuming philosophising ~ i am absent
and i do not have life now or after and of course no more dream
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