nowthenafter

one is enough and two is not required one is enough to know nothing nothing is enough to know unlimited one faith is enough to know belief one religion is enough to know god one relative is enough to know all relations one dollar is enough to know all about money one life is enough to know all lives one day is enough to know life time one moment is enough to know time one moment of silence is enough to know all languages one is enough to know all numbers and orders one home is enough to know all homes one love is enough to know all loves one failure is enough to know all failures knowledge of oneself is enough to know the world when one does not know one ~ one knows all ~ one is self sufficient one experiment is sufficient to know every aspects and possible observations ~ another is never required 

matthew urzhnile? i loved him and to this day i met him last at his marriage in baroda in december 1982 for his marriage with a beautiful bengali girl. the marriage was done by his uncle priest. they were many hundred years old catholic priest family.  i sparingly knew him for 3 or 4 years at isi. he was one year junior and eventually two years after he did mstat. i loved his sincerity and dedication to computers and jnana yoga. he is one i trusted one hundred percentage without any fault. tll 1977 december, he was my constant intellectual companion. he gave me lot of JK upanishads paul branton lobsam rampa wnd whatever treasure he collected. i have not seen a person who did not suffer from any self deception. he was perhaps 10 years older than me. he spent about 10 years to be priest in italy but he never really mentioned about it. he took to many gurus but chief and lasting one were jk and minsky. he had perfect yogic body. v shaped as in greek sculpture with ...

নেই প্রতক্ষ্য দর্শী নেই প্রমান জীবনটা বৃথা কেও দেখলোনা কেও শুনলনা অদৃষ্ট্য ----- গেলোনা সে এবার  রয়ে গেলো পাশে  সব সময়ের জন্যে ------- চিনিনা জানিনা বুঝিনা দেখিনা শুনিনা ... বলিনা করিনা ভাবিনা কি করব  বাছা বাছি চেষ্টা করেও করতে পারি না পালাতেও আমি পারি না ------ কি জানি কি বলি ভুল ঠিক কিছুই বুঝি না বোধ হয় ঠিক আমি যখন বলেছি ----- সে  ~  মহাকাশের উপর আকাশ  মাটির তোলার মাটি  সৃষ্টি কর্তা বিধাতা  তার ইচ্ছেয় হয়  এখন স্মৃতি ভবিষ্যৎ  আমি জগৎ আমার দেখা শোনা বোঝা জানা চেনা  ভুল ধোঁকা সুখ দুঃখ আনন্দ ব্যাথা  ভালোবাসা খুন খুনি কারণ স্বপ্ন  .......... সব  ~   মগজ ধোলাই হলো  মাথা আমার পরিষ্কার হলো  ভার ভার ভাবটা গেলো  মাথা এখন আমার নেই  দরকার নেই  হালকা হালকা লাগছে  ঘারের উপরটা কারোর ব্যাপার ই আমার নয়  আমার ব্যাপার ও কারোর নয়  সবাই নিজের নিজের  কারোর কাওকে কিছু করা সম্ভব নয়  নিজের মালিকানা নিজের  স্বত্ত ত্যাগ করেও দ...

https://www.facebook.com/ashok.jairath i don't know hindi however these hindi couplets touch some love strings in me creating music perhaps all wrong but how does it matter anyway बचपन इतना दूर खिसक कर छू कर पास बुलाता है ( हम अपने बचपन में छुप जाएंगे। वहीं मिलना ) Childhood from far beckons    (will be in childhood ~ meet you there) ----- और तुम ऐसे ही पन्नों से उभर आते हो जिनको सोचा था मगर जिनको फिर लिखा ही नहीं  imagined ~ could not paint, now i see them in your letters ----- पास आ तुमने घटाओं की तरह घेरा था बात इतनी ही है और इसके सिवा कुछ भी नहीं  you were near but  surrounded by clouds ~ sounds that much and nothing more ------ ओंठों से गिरी बातें कानो में लपक लेना ऐसा ये हुनर हमने तुमसे ही तो पाया है  Words born in your lips hide in my ears  ~ they  inherit this talents seen only in  you ----- चुप्पियाँ कुछ इस तरह से गुनगुनाती रह गयीं कुछ मुसाफिर रास्तों पर आ घरों को चल दिए  some w...

i am desperate my words are drying and i wish to write something useful something eternal before me buble vanishes this museum preserves dinosaurs fossils but not me nor my words i alone preserve me all my wrongs as is in my akashik chronicle unerasable i am not memorable in my world i cannot forget echo has no escape can never die for eternity i have to see and listen again again again ... 

who is responsible for intolerance? one answer and perhaps correct is me. about 20 years back i came from india with my family of four with two children growing up and my spouse who did not know much english. my younger one he could hardly speak english but had lot of love for people. i took accommodation that i could afford and by chance it was an area that was white dominated, blacks none; but some asian of various kind - indian iranian chinese sri lankan etc. i was asked by school counselor to better integrate my son with the american community try boy scout. he was easily accepted in one. my daughter was apt with language and had training in vocal music was easily accepted in high school choir. i also started participating in boy scout. i came to realise that i as indian parent was not very welcome in the boy scout of all whites. my son went on to participate in boy scout while in middle school but dropped out eventually. the high school was tougher for my son. it was some wha...

theory needs a model to make its logical derivations to hold good; in order to be taken seriously. theory cannot exist all by itself. the elements or objects of the model are assumed to be commonplace but constructed otherwise with primitive building blocks such as numbers money people resources etc. model is required to show the theory is feasible or a possibility. anil raises, intuitively not necessarily very deeply thought, topics of conversation. while i do not like to converse, don't mind a passing reflection of mine on that topic. anil observed the economic model of 10% affluents engaging 25% as service to their daily living is unstable and unsustainable in near foreseeable future for India. possibly he is interested in long term solution at national level for employment of household workers generating national wealth. he has his reasons. in west it is unthinkable to engage household worker. privacy is far more important than convenience. many decades back, i did spend...

what makes me laugh? perhaps uncommon incident gauri does not like to lie stranger meeting gauri asked for direction to house of gauri gauri, "i don't know." a moment later he realised that he lied for whatever reason. he called out, "Listen, i know but won't tell." ................. this joke below took sometime for me to understand: i had to imagine certain common knowledge about pigeon. it makes continuous noise. :bokom ... bokom" a domesticated dancing white variety is Shen that has extra feathers on head and legs. common household pigeon in Bengal. Ritadi's uncle asked Tapanda, "do you like pigeon Tapan?" "Yes Sen Pigeon"   ... Ritadi's maiden name is Sen. this joke was enjoyed immensely by Ritadi herself and she recounted this when i asked her to talk about her late husband Tapanda. .................... this is my private joke. s' daughter got married at chicago. it is same sex marriage and inte...

long ago living alone on my first job at baroda i used to take long walk and while walking i would think of some problem of mathematical nature and generalize the same and solve it on my walk. it was my evening leisure time. i was not then looking for companion. i had problem of people when i start seeking from people. i soon realized i do not have the natural ability for the same. I sought love then; i learned to love my isolation. i lived in an island of two hundred people with strange life and language. my evening and night leisure was limited to long walk around its perimeter touching the sea; till there was only darkness that covered uniformly land sea lighted by darkish sky with twinkling dome above. i came to live in a metropolis called mumbai, then bombay. i was fathomless in sea of people. i have never imagined so many people at the same time and at the same place. i used to come out of my guest house at about midday and walk down the perimeter of sea called marine drive ...

this flower only grows in himalayas and i have seen this with my naked eyes i know of many others who have seen too from the time whoever came looking for the same. of course one must be fortunate to see the flower in his own life time. i know alexander the conqueror was fortunate to see the flower although he wished to carry the same with with him. they only live in himalayas. rather himalayas is only built for them. this flowers are born of sky without parents. the first and only time i searched for this flower and i found. rather, flower found me. otherwise it is quite impossible if there is any impossible. they vanish without trace instantly. alexander was very disturbed and suffering from endless insomnia. he heard of this flower and went searching for him in cold of night with stars above. he found him with some humans not far away of him gathered around a flame. his first impulse was to go and fetch some warm clothes since this flower was naked in nature but his nakedne...

another word it is about 8 days i am suffering from inflammation. after my horrible dinner at a graduation party. i have breathing problem. something is pushing up my throat. as of now not leaving. other things continues; i cannot take sun at all. i start seeing bluish purple patches and i have to wear polaroid and hat. i could not do whatever i promised my guests. i am yet to recover. i am struggling to remain top. not yet top at my last step. my hands are above the stairs but body still is in stairs. why do i write for whose benefit? it is mine. i am getting to know me. i am able to extricate me at each step of my stairs that i am climbing against the gravitational pull of my body. my lonely struggle to survive with nothing. superstition has no remedy i met my mother in law before marriage and before anybody of in laws family. she asked me to turn around and keep my both hands at my back and do not see what is happening. she took my hands put five coins and washed my p...

they are many and i use them to collect my toys. each showcase is labeled as per me and i do not know if they are even meaningful to me. friend husband wife classmate neighbor .... i play with occupants spend time and then put them back at different showcase giving displays new meaning. amitava my forgotten classmate with whom i spent so much time ~ i cannot find him. he was stylist with his clothes cigarettes cleanliness and time. he had it with him as long as i knew. now that i cannot find him i still curious of his style. are they same? susobhan was my nextdoor neighbor in the hostel and we shared a bamboo wall of separation. at late night when all is quiet. i am only awake i would know he has taken out his suitcase where he kept his valuables. he would count and very delighted that his valuables have grown. money is more. his collections is more. he needed an audience and call out for me to tell me about his surprise. my brother is one of my rare collection is in his showcas...

without choice i am the only witness for all happenings in my life. i needed no briefing from any. however i made two classifications for my other people surrounding me. they are বদ সদ । বদ would give his or her interpretation to any about the happening compulsively all their lifetime. they are forever proving although they know all the while they are the only witness ~ there is nothing ever to prove. সদ know the truth being the witness and knows therefore there is nothing to prove. they do not get provoked even when publicly asked to give witness. and even if they do it proves nothing. why? an event is never repeatable even once more সদ knows বদ shall never know in anytime in future i am neither বদ nor সদ ~ i am witness and always so and i have to witness bad and bad people all my life always.

i was not at all interested in politics and only looked at news paper while in india to read some article that generally read by me only since i too subscribed. i did not know much of kashmir when i was student and came to know of the same when the newly wed couple das babu and purnima boudi went to kashmir for honeymoon. many a days i spent at das babu's room looking at pictures of dal lake pines and snows and came to be aware of kashmir. they got some beautiful tables made of wood that perhaps belonged there along with some pashmina clothes. as a married man in delhi we used to be visited every year by some kashmiri sales person with carpet clothes etc. i enjoyed their companion staying at home. i was in noida and my office colleague gyanendra used to visit frequently some place called vaishno devi that i had never heard before. i decided to go there with my family of four. my son was about 1 year old. for help i took along brij kishore with me. we reached jammu katra arou...