nowthenafter

purana has been removing many layers of my cataract. i, in very early in life, heard stories of puranas from my mother ever since i learned to listen. as long as my mother was alive they were our topics of conversations. dada supplied her lot of books of puranas; otherwise she was collecting and reading always as long as i had known her. didima confined herself to reading only gita. but ma was voracious reader. in fact she was very puzzled when some physician asked her not to read. i also used read him english poetry and translate them for her. she used to be very curious about haiku. puranas keep bursting in me and destroying many hypothesis in me; they are essential for my life and living. one is Promise. it is not required by me ever to make a promise and even if i make one; to keep my promise is not necessity. i must not make promise in first place. a promise must not be binding on me to blind my world there after. puranas are full of them. and so is curse coming true. the...

comparator only exists in school different one in different school and missing in the rest of the world even in tralfamadore in tralfamadore curio museum in earth section one can find comparators in a jar labeled cookies with a note 'some earthlings go to school to learn to eat cookies' tralfamadorians wonder why earthlings go to school. why again earthings waste their life on currency. all tralfamadorian  can see time. they know how time started and how time ended. a tralfamadorian pilot pressed wrong button to end time. tralfamadorians left many messages, with no results, for earthlings to answer all their questions without going to school 'what if....' 'what if no dinosaurs!' 'what if global warming!' 'what if bjp!' .... 'what if no prosperity! 'what if bhakti!' 'what if no voting!' ... 'what if no truth!' 'what if no false' 'what if no school' 'what if no fun' 'what if no npr...

i am fascinated by the idea of reincarnation of dalai lama.  next dalai lama incarnate choses among other things his saved objects to start from there. i wish there is globally known site where electronic recordings of objects used by me is preserved. same as mummies are preserved in Columbus Museum. so me the reincarnate browse that site and discover my this avatar's details and start from there. I am planning an easy and globally known site to preserve myself and anyone similarly interested to preserve their this avatar. i do not want my writings in facebook or blogger just disappear without waiting for me to reappear. Among other things Avatar's wills too shall be preserved. In next incarnation Avatar shall start from there. This may also pickle theirs all accounts and start from there. All Facebook Google etc. shall have a pickle option for self preservation indefinitely. Waiting to be restarted by the next reincarnate. till next avatar an automation would regularl...

ramayan is sruti for me. in my very childhood i aimed for ramayan of my own. i thought one rupee would be the price for a children ramayan. i used to beg money from ma. on days, i was sick and very reluctant to drink barley, she would give me one paisa for drinking the same. i could not make the savings to one rupee and could not have my own children's ramayan. ma wrote baba to bring a ramayan from kishoreganj. it was very momentous day when ramayan arrived. it was written in bengali in verses by krittibas. next i got another book worthy of my deep devotion in puranas. it was mahabharata written by kasiramdas. it was moth eaten fat book with lot of illustrations. i read this book along with ma sleeping with her and reading. it was not continuous but random depending on her mood. later i bought two volumes a complete translation of sanskrit mahabharat; besides i also read some complete english translations. i possess mahabharat in bengali and one ramayan in english but do not read ...

till there is a single doubt in me about my absoluteness i am not absolute. it is very difficult for me to believe that about 70 years back i was born for one reason alone to discover me ~ the absolute. all that has been constructed my world the forest of trees places objects people books all bads all events and all failures all unavoidable thoughts that tormented me the very public me very carefully constructed moment by moment with senses however limited and did not happen random or chance occurrence but cleverly created by private me. that remains absolute for 70 years and does not age and does not change now it is very difficult to believe that there is nothing random. every moment is designed created exactly for my terrestrial me to make me realize i am an illusion in the illusion world surrounding me. it is very difficult to believe that every thought is not my thought but that of absolute me intended to teach me who i am. i am absolute. alone and unique and ...

top spins on axis and so is season and so is light and so is visibility of moon and so is appearance of stars even without looking through telescope with mere eyes making a fixed point and a pole and shadows or light objects to observe and their recordings and numbers ancients learnt abouts pinning objects ~ sun moon stars planets and earth more importantly their shapes and distances i did not occupy my learning of celestial objects or objects on earth and their life time i was limited by my scope of learnings and availability of teachers and intellectual bias or inclinations i was in way in search of fixed point or pole around which my universe or m world revolves i found the same ~ i don't name it rather refrain from naming it if i do then again i would be ejecting me into a object in rotation around it i am a fixed point not wish to be moving i am retired about two years back the reason i did not wish to move i have done my share of movements in 70 yea...

i came to know recently from sayeed fb posting that jesus christ is mentioned in the holy book of quran i could not put off a question haunting me? what made jesus christ worthy of mentioning in the holy book of quran? could it be that jesus christ is very rare indeed? a human being of unsure origin who dared to claim to be the son of god and not only that he did not mind dying painful death among thieves, judged and punished for his claim! i am not educated and i have not read either quran or bible; and i am not authorized to speak but i am mad enough to speak my mind. it is unique conviction of someone, no matter what origin, claiming direct relationship with the creator! jesus was not at all hesitant to claim his immortality! very rare indeed as per my limited reading. i read story of similar conviction of socrates who was judged and punished to death. he too was prepared to die; he was unable to accept greek gods and goddesses as reasons for events on earth; he was bold ...

how to earn my freedom how to perceive reality is false or dream? how to live forever in paradise? I must practice and be: least amongst leasts forgotten amongst forgottens last amongst lasts fool amongst fools beggar amongst beggars failure amongst failures idiot amongst idiots poor amongst poor illiterate amongst illiterates ignorant amongst ignorants lazy amongst lazies sick amongst sicks leper amongst lepers deaf amongst deafs blind amongst blinds weak amongst weaks paranoid amongst paranoids insane amongst insanes dirty amongst dirties thief amongst thieves naked amongst nakeds sinner amongst sinner cheat amongst cheats prisoner amongst prisoners nadir amongst nadirs immaterial amongst immaterials thief amongst thieves incapable amongst incapables bad amongst bads sads amongst sads guilty amongst guilties loser amongst losers small amongst smalls irresponsible amongst irresponsibles low breed amongst low breeds bastard amongst bastards criminal amongst crim...

my mothers side belonged to the same district but near estuary and during monsoon it is only water water everywhere beyond the steps of residence. the name of the place mrigaya. they were perhaps 6 or seven brothers married 6 or 7 sisters. all the brothers died in cholera epidemic. my grandfather died when my didima was perhaps 26 and having 6 children. didima proudly used to tell, her husband was graduate unlike my grandfather who failed to graduate. father side, my grandfather was a successful lawyer. he was set up into his business with house pond office by his father in law who was a Jamindar ~ landlord but with philanthropic bend of mind. he established the high school of this region kishoreganj, a subdivision of mymensingh the largest district. he also condoned all in his territory of all money they owed to him before his death. my thakuma was illiterate but knowledgeable in family matters. she was very broad minded and kind hearted. ancient. she was fond of pan betel nut and ch...

i am fed time and i am suckling the same every moment even before i knew time. that is before time and some not too a distant in future it shall stop production of time when i no longer need the same ~ synchronously ~ jugalbandi music ends  does musician ends? what is end? what is before before? that definitely was there even if my story is partially true ~ in case there is false or transient or নিমেষ ~ nano of nano second and even if it is not there ~ that is always that is not learned at all but creator of learning i am writing this being compelled to write this and i cannot disobey. i could not disobey that even for a nano of nano second. that is unwavering creator of time creator of space before me before i became zygote.  it oversaw me multiply into many cell many organs seeing sensing thinking and learning ... that did not take recess but unfailingly taught everything time creates ~ stars light gas liquid objects plants livings non livings societ...

my world is as imagined by me. my dream. both awake and carried over to sleep. i dream and i realize my dream or fail. how do i imagine abstract  that is no way connected or imaginable in reality or its extension in my dream. abstract that can only be hinted in words as absent. imagine what is before before. imagine what is after after. imagine what is now without imagination. imagine what is sleep without dream. what is before time? what is after time? what is now? how do you even refer to the same or name it? how do i sense the same? i definitely cannot find out my deteriorating senses myself. i cannot find out if i saw or heard better yesterday. there is no recording and my senses are very deceptive. although i have learnt my dreams are always true as long as i believe in their permanency. i have already noted that i can dream many thousand years in milliseconds perhaps. i do see dreams every night. my spell of sleep is no more than 3 hours. i have very deceptive memo...

long back in kolkata i was sold a second hand car by some in law. a very sweet talking and i belonged then and wished to belong. i did know nothing about vehicle. i only knew it is luxury that i could not afford. i believed him and bought a car many hands driven at least 25 years old for inr 50000. it was luggage that decorated my residence and was not of any use. i left india in 2000 and it was bought by some other fool even without my fooling him for inr 10000. he pushed the car to wherever he was living. obviously he too could not afford a car. he bought one name. just like i did a dozen years back. after coming to US even before my family arrived I bought a new car Toyota Sienna. It was necessary for me and my family's survival. it was another 6 years before i got a second car. as i was living away from home and some times travel home by plane. children too was learning to drive and needed a car for their activities. eventually i had three cars. sienna was used by my son for...

my spouse is very unhappy about me. she thinks and she has been told that not only i am a fool but i am ruining her life too by my foolishness. she cross verifies all her actions with her friends and family members and they agree with her. i have become her shame. unfortunately her family members are in india or uk; and they are not able to guide her exactly what should be done. so she is advised to talk to her friends in US and do as done by them. here is the problem. her friends in US often tells her how she could be such a fool! her children too says the same! she is convinced i am ruining her life and she is very agitated about it. though the rules here in USA does not allow me to take any decision regarding anyone above the of 18 years. Now she must take her decision in person with authorities; and after taking any decision, if she wish to change it after many consultations with her family and friends in US, it is possible. her only criterion for intelligence is wealth must com...

right questions provide recognition of objects not visible to our senses. We identify gases in terms of already identified objects and conducting experiment with them till we know their uniqueness. How do we identify two persons? how do we identify two different places? by their visible physical properties. appearance habits voice smell ecology topology behavior climate coordinate .... essentially this i understand by dharma. that identifies an object in question uniquely. what about me? descarte boxed himself but opened the box got out and answered himself that even when he was not sensing himself ~ he was thinking. so he exists. early morning i got up with a dream i am witnessing mass murder and i too am sought after by the murderer. it is like the stories of jews i have read being hunted out by swastika nazi believing to belong to superior race; and swindled by inferior race of jews. Nazi unearthed jews and robbed their assets. similar things have happened when a mess up wa...

my daughter was very excited about 6 years back with bjp making to the throne of hastinapur and with then selection of all the stalwarts adorning the respective palaces or ministries alloted to them. she openly doubted my preferences that one must have necessary education to do what is necessity. she was of totally different opinion. opportunities must be given to uneducated. she has now completed one year of her employment with Infosys. She did zoology BS. Online MS in Medical Administration. 11 years Research in Genome Science. 6 weeks online course in Data Science. I no longer take any opinion from her. Our outlook do not match. She openly advocates and supports all she comes across in her daily life mostly Indian dropouts from schools and colleges without degree but doing their jobs with feigned expertise and credentials and false immigration papers. She is tooth and nail against trump and wants him to be impeached. She is the first to obtain US citizenship though in my nuclear fa...

with mahabharata considered relevant today in India, i needed to create vocabulary that the ruling class, politicians and their promoters could use to express the progress and achievement of India in terms of authentic absolute time independent unit. i owe my vocabulary to my hindutva. unit of money: value of dry cowshit cake (ghute) unit of energy: fire power of one dry cowshit cake (ghute) unit of time: time taken for cowshit hit the ground (gobar) innovation: dry cowshit cake fueled engine unit of measure: dry cowshit cake (ghute) ... weight superfast locomotion from dwarka to hastinapur: gobar yan rath what is india's total worth? 10 trillion ghute is india growing? is it required? why may i ask? ... have puranas become irrelevant? superlative: cowshit hits the sky irreducible absolute: cow shit hits the sky progress: cowshit lands in moon confidence: cowshit sprinkled in mars unsurpassable supreme achievement: the limit of my imagination: cowshit enters...

kashem has lost his property family friends. he has nothing to hope for except his memory of amir of baghdad. he set out at last for iraq. it took him many years. he was in tatters and unrecognizable. for many months he worked in market as labourer and saved money to to make a dress that he may be able to make an audience with amir. oneday he at last approached the gatekeeper wearing his best and requested to be allowed to be present when amir made appearance. gatekeeper's father in law was a guard of royal chamber. he somehow conveyed his acquaintance with amir and at long last allowed to be present among hundred guests. amir recognized him and came forward and asked him what made him come. kashem related his sad story. amir called an assistant and asked him to give 100 sheep to kashem. kashem went out with the sheeps for grazing. there was a natural calamity drought and he lost all his sheeps. he was back again to meet amir and asking for favor. this time amir ordered kash...