reality questions

if i hide or avoid then who is going to face the reality for me?

if i lack the courage to ask question who is going to ask the same for me?

if i am not ready to face death then who is going to face the death for me?

There obviously me and no one else but me and I have to do it today and just now.

• I have no option today but face my disease myself ~ i have to cook my food prepare my food buy my food and do everything myself taking no help from anyone
• I have been threatened directly by joya that she is going to throw me out from my own house and i must see for myself what she is trying to do. If i don't do who is going to that for me.
• she asked me twice for my tax papers ~ i have obliged and next time i refused. i cannot disclose my financial matters to her under no circumstances
• she asked me to sponsor shovan and manan for USA i refused telling them directly my situation
• she has gone ahead and done that herself with the help of soham; i am sure 99%
• i am sure 90% soham is just not got a job as yet and far away from that ~ he must got a job and earning himself and not be car or taxi driver; he must not shut himself indoor and not productive. i cannot fund his expense.
• zinia is possibly again leaving for how long not sure; it is temporary looking at her luggage it cannot be more than two weeks 
• what is the compulsion of joya to sponsor two brothers to come to USA even without their spouse or with spouse, not sure. 90% without spouse; Shovan is her partner and may be Anjali Das purkayastha too; possibly 50% chance she is already sponsored. else her health does not permit or her husband cannot come.
• shovan is very interested and kin to do this. he has his financial interest and greedy. one his daughter now married has very doubtful future with her husband who has traveled to UK for further studies. Shovan is looking for his financial interest. shovan is already living in his in-laws house for 30 years. but i do not think it is in his name. he already has a plan to procure his next house ~ joya's house if he can somehow manipulate procurement of my house  and both have planned long and hard. chances are 75%. Shovan also plans to visit UK since son in law isin UK gone for studies. he has to make sure what is happening there.he is the brain behind all such plans and he is in contact with joya.
• manan. he is fool greedy and dependent. 90% chance that he is coming here to sell his kidney to badal or some body. i definitely heard joya discussing this with her sister in UK. and i was told by joya that she has given her bank statement to shovan for shovan's passage documents to UK. Manan possibly directly coming to US. why manan is not sponsored by badal or whoever he is selling his kidney. they wish to make it an accidental and not planned. precaution for any problem that may arise if there is any accident. why badal is not going to india getting the transplant done? it shall be cheaper. is he so bad that he cannot travel. manan desperately trying to push his son to US somehow and he would do anything. anything. he sells his sad story. while joya is aggressive ~ threatens accuses shout and Mad. her support is shovan. she buys support from Manan. sadhan datta cannot support her. sadhan datta has already got sold to his wife having committed some crimes.
• joya's attempts to buy support here in columbus is now limited. Partha can only counted for external help and sentimental link bengali links. even dinner is not very working anymore. sipradi susantada link is also not working. reason is zinia. why joya is not negotiating with zinia her marriage although joya does not mind the relationship. though discusses possibility of them going to mexico and getting married. crossing border? zinia is very bold when comes to such thing. the boy is afraid. 98% chance. even going to mexico and getting is difficult since he does not have valid indian passport. 99% chance.  can he not get a passport in SF from Indian consulate. he surely can get that. does he have ssn#. i think everything is fake about him.he may only have a driving license.
• zinnia's job with infosys. it is very dicey. last assignment did not work out well. she bought a car for travel. it must be nearby. is she smart enough to continue? 75% chance. even ms mandal can continue indefinitely! zinia is ofcourse confident having lived with a fraud for 5 plus years. and having chosen this direction for permanent life style. she is bold enough to say goodbye to me. zinia has been cheated by joya twice. she does not count on joya's support.
• joya's attempt to buy advice from arti. arti was invited to our place by joya. she refused to touch any food. meeting did not last more than 30 minutes. she did not look comfortable.
• can joya continue with her childcare after my letter to family and child affair. i have done what i must do. i have informed them it is not possible for me to support her activity. i do not give the consent.
• can joya falsely incriminate me with her wild accusations? i must be away from her. can she attempt physical violence? i cannot prevent. 
• zinia was away for 24 hours. she was here in columbus. she may not have been with her boy friend ~ some other? joya must have known. was he here just for one day?
• is soham still hoping for job? he paid for sas exam on 3/18. his job did not come through in 4/6. i cancelled his CC. even now he is defiant and not seeking even temporary job. his resume is still incomplete and erroneous.
• joya is certainly investing her money into shovan's business. they are partner.
• joya sent sponsorship forms or bank statements? 50 : 50. it is one week now.
• my letter. some action. i may receive a letter or she receives a letter. i am committed and shall do whatever needed.