reality dream or awake

i often participate in facebook conversation of others. i cannot help. part of my excitement that i cannot control. i usually delete them within hours. i dislike writing on walls. i consider defacing the same. still why i write? wall too is my world temporarily in my vision.

i am trying to align to my world with a separation of moat that i would not able to cross with internet phone or media. i have need for writing. i have to really look at my excitement.  some boils that i need burst to stop being bothered about sensing. they usually get transferred to dream unless looked at sufficiently and bursted.

i have no entry to any hall of fame in my world. i am prominent in the hall of evils to be insulted by any. it is reality and the insults reach me even in my dreams.

i struggle and still my nerves but excitement continues. i have to write. not only for me to view but others to view. till my nerves cool down. my dreams are most agonizing. where i dream my failure that affects my future and present. it is unbearable. i have no option but look at it as i am doing now. i have housed myself in the fort where i am alone. i do not want my success or failure reach me and bake me in oven for delight of others outside my fort. i cannot contain myself.

i have to write for the delight of others. i am a failure that i do not wish to be. unbearable. yet i do not get into exercise of earning respect. i cannot keep quiet with disrespect thrown at me for my worlds beyond my fort.

solution does not exist. hiv till my last breath i have to suffer in reality ~ dream or awake.

no cure no end for my disease. i am fuel on fire until senseless .. i have nothing else to offer

reality ~ dream awake sleep ~ an automation ~ the proof for what is intended to be proved ~ the origin of creation

being personal i may not know but i know this much that i am an automation. i have to perceive whatever i perceive. in my world i have created another being same as me called ashwathama. he is supposed to live as long as there is another earthling. say me. same as me it shall have an wound that shall never heal. i have company and that shall always remain out of my perception ~ another automation perpetually in grief (fortunately in wilderness). i have created 8 other perpetuals perceptible automation to give me company. always.

i am always in the direct presence of creator ~ no escaping ~ all i perceive is me and i do not know; i can never know what if any perceives even in my presence ~ in other words i cannot be intellectual

truth prevails ~ innocence is forever untouched by time .... experience floats above and memory disappear

i am innocent

had it not been so darkness would have been permanent. agni sharma would have remained agni sharma forever impure with experience! could not ever become valmiki ~ the pure at heart and naked!

the forever transparent clean river Tamasa flowing through the humanity would have been like ganges forever polluted stagnant hopeless. despite all knowledge innocence still prevails dispels all imagery of time and progress; ever free and not trapped in past that do not exist except at the bottom of the transparent river inaccessible and useless

what use is dinosaur to humanity? what use is electrifying pure atmosphere of before time?

pure joy of living in unforgettable memory of no memory here and now ~ creator kindness unlimited