incapable
last 4 weeks i have not opened Time magazine. I cannot take any news. stepping out of my house i need many days preparation. i usually keep food indoor for at least three days and i can wait. i essentially eat three meals. few cups of tea and coffee. some snacks.
these days whatever may perhaps upset me remotely i avoid looking. i do not open most mails. last i visited doctor in early december two months back. he was not very happy with my a1c and calcium. i do not wish to be upset. i would prefer to pass out without being upset.i prefer to be promising some higher lord like sanat kumar for painless death. i may even prefer conditional donation after my death same as socrates. he had of course many disciples while i have none who cares for me. everyone gets what one deserves.
about 25 years ago when i was in india. it was 5 or 6 families we used to celebrate 6 days of durga puja in a commercial center in open ground. one of us was more wealthy and younger than us. his contribution though was same as us. little more religious than us though. they had a family purohit who used to do our 6 days puja. we used to do some function for 4 days and one of us was the producer director of those functions. wealthy persons parents too used to be present during puja. they lived near calcutta in a place called kalyani. our puja and workplace was noida near delhi. shortly after puja parents of daw left for kalyani. it was about one day's travel to kalyani. they were back after a month and there were some letters. one of the mail was an electricity bill. while daw's mother went for bath, daw's father went to check up with bill payment office. whatever happened at the bill payment office is unknown. he returned home and collapsed. daw's mother when came out of bathroom found him dead in floor with the bill.
what a silent exit from this world after perhaps 7 decades of living.
frankly i am not capable of excitement reading news; reading mails; doing any strenuous work; doing even any academic work i feel exhausted. my brain hammers me with excitement. it is the same brain i share during my sleep. it takes very long time to settle down. but not very quietly. i get long dream where i struggle to find my resting place or exit to my home. no such path or automation exists. occasionally i do people but they stay there in the dumping ground. they cannot answer my questions regarding the names of places ask them.
brain is searching home for me periodically reporting its failure to me through dream. while i sleep... am i over exhausting myself.
i do not know.
i know, courtesy veda vyasa, that yudhisthir when finally alone, after death of strength, was picked up by chariot of deathless to heaven. in heaven, strength intellect independence innovation, are not required. heaven is abundance! he wished then to go to hell; he was told he would find his brothers, strength intellect unbiased inquisitive, there. briefly he was in hell where learned, earthlings, live till they are meritless innocents! not accumulators!!
chariot ended at last in heaven. home. all of yudhisthira's family members are already there ~ peaceful and not in competition! abundance unlimited no need to accumulate
shruti
have i reached heaven? do i have abundant? and not require strength intellect independence curiosity and pleasure of intercourse? no competition?
numbers and comparators are both residents of mind. anything in mind is acquired like memory. how many moments required for any to conclude that one is immortal? all earthling cannot be born without being a collector. how long does it take for me to conclude my immortality. i definitely did not born with body mind intelligence .... all that an earthling possess definitely i was before i became an earthling. how long how many incarnations do i need to conclude my immortality.
it is easy to see if i cross this hurdle of me, i may have after this life. doi need immortality as an earthling. vyasa gives 9 choices of immortality through one's deeds ~ one has to weed out all the others and keeping the one of one's choice that can only belong to earth. given immortality possessor of that trait would forever be immortal in earth no time needed to be spent in hell or heaven. insufficiency or abundance!
am i being understandable?
heaven is life guaranteed for those who do not know numbers or collectors. simply speaking have not acquired in their course of stay as child or grown up something called 'comparator'. incapable of making distinction! with comparator in head none can make an entry into heaven. heaven is open unlimited abundance .... open open open; and must be containing all hells that have boundary and all world that have activities and or inactivity.......forever expanding ... heaven necessarily cannot exclude....can it if it is to be heaven! i am as big as heaven and even bigger ... it is impossible to be less ~ i am superset of mind and whatever my mind is capable of conceiving unrestricted
have i reached my end ~ home where i do not have to seek? dream is true. value? what is valuable? when all is durable abundant uncollectible unstoppable? what more to think
what is invaluable?
incapable? i have unlimited; and i am unlimited; i provide unlimited unrestricted freedom to all none excluded ever ~ no rule no reason ~ i do not even have to reflect delay say .... or think ~ all is guaranteed all is permitted ~ my presence is not required
i am not required and i do not require
terrestrial me can take comfort that i could not have done any better in past now or ever in future being under total and complete control of celestial me
these days whatever may perhaps upset me remotely i avoid looking. i do not open most mails. last i visited doctor in early december two months back. he was not very happy with my a1c and calcium. i do not wish to be upset. i would prefer to pass out without being upset.i prefer to be promising some higher lord like sanat kumar for painless death. i may even prefer conditional donation after my death same as socrates. he had of course many disciples while i have none who cares for me. everyone gets what one deserves.
about 25 years ago when i was in india. it was 5 or 6 families we used to celebrate 6 days of durga puja in a commercial center in open ground. one of us was more wealthy and younger than us. his contribution though was same as us. little more religious than us though. they had a family purohit who used to do our 6 days puja. we used to do some function for 4 days and one of us was the producer director of those functions. wealthy persons parents too used to be present during puja. they lived near calcutta in a place called kalyani. our puja and workplace was noida near delhi. shortly after puja parents of daw left for kalyani. it was about one day's travel to kalyani. they were back after a month and there were some letters. one of the mail was an electricity bill. while daw's mother went for bath, daw's father went to check up with bill payment office. whatever happened at the bill payment office is unknown. he returned home and collapsed. daw's mother when came out of bathroom found him dead in floor with the bill.
what a silent exit from this world after perhaps 7 decades of living.
frankly i am not capable of excitement reading news; reading mails; doing any strenuous work; doing even any academic work i feel exhausted. my brain hammers me with excitement. it is the same brain i share during my sleep. it takes very long time to settle down. but not very quietly. i get long dream where i struggle to find my resting place or exit to my home. no such path or automation exists. occasionally i do people but they stay there in the dumping ground. they cannot answer my questions regarding the names of places ask them.
brain is searching home for me periodically reporting its failure to me through dream. while i sleep... am i over exhausting myself.
i do not know.
i know, courtesy veda vyasa, that yudhisthir when finally alone, after death of strength, was picked up by chariot of deathless to heaven. in heaven, strength intellect independence innovation, are not required. heaven is abundance! he wished then to go to hell; he was told he would find his brothers, strength intellect unbiased inquisitive, there. briefly he was in hell where learned, earthlings, live till they are meritless innocents! not accumulators!!
chariot ended at last in heaven. home. all of yudhisthira's family members are already there ~ peaceful and not in competition! abundance unlimited no need to accumulate
shruti
have i reached heaven? do i have abundant? and not require strength intellect independence curiosity and pleasure of intercourse? no competition?
numbers and comparators are both residents of mind. anything in mind is acquired like memory. how many moments required for any to conclude that one is immortal? all earthling cannot be born without being a collector. how long does it take for me to conclude my immortality. i definitely did not born with body mind intelligence .... all that an earthling possess definitely i was before i became an earthling. how long how many incarnations do i need to conclude my immortality.
it is easy to see if i cross this hurdle of me, i may have after this life. doi need immortality as an earthling. vyasa gives 9 choices of immortality through one's deeds ~ one has to weed out all the others and keeping the one of one's choice that can only belong to earth. given immortality possessor of that trait would forever be immortal in earth no time needed to be spent in hell or heaven. insufficiency or abundance!
am i being understandable?
heaven is life guaranteed for those who do not know numbers or collectors. simply speaking have not acquired in their course of stay as child or grown up something called 'comparator'. incapable of making distinction! with comparator in head none can make an entry into heaven. heaven is open unlimited abundance .... open open open; and must be containing all hells that have boundary and all world that have activities and or inactivity.......forever expanding ... heaven necessarily cannot exclude....can it if it is to be heaven! i am as big as heaven and even bigger ... it is impossible to be less ~ i am superset of mind and whatever my mind is capable of conceiving unrestricted
have i reached my end ~ home where i do not have to seek? dream is true. value? what is valuable? when all is durable abundant uncollectible unstoppable? what more to think
what is invaluable?
incapable? i have unlimited; and i am unlimited; i provide unlimited unrestricted freedom to all none excluded ever ~ no rule no reason ~ i do not even have to reflect delay say .... or think ~ all is guaranteed all is permitted ~ my presence is not required
i am not required and i do not require
terrestrial me can take comfort that i could not have done any better in past now or ever in future being under total and complete control of celestial me
Comments
Post a Comment