crisis
when i already know that my world is in order, why am i in disorder?
i am fond of fictions especially those about people who survives all difficulties thrown at them ultimately overcomes all inverses and reverses all and wins. yudhisthira!
for a few months in late 90s i was in WIS in san francisco that has long closed down since. they had a MF product for accounting and a very complicated process of upgrading or making correction. even two lines corrections that i had to do in three months were put under microscope. the company was perhaps about to disappear. the company was headed by chinese who migrated from another company called gateway design engaged in vlsi chips. frank yu was the director of R&D at WIS. he never sat in his office but stood in middle of the floor where 300 people were sitting. for any reason, even bored with nothing to accomplish, i would go for tea toilet or water to stretch my legs, i would meet with frank. he would ask me a question looking at my eyes, "is all alright?" this would follow the next question, "are you top of the things?" perhaps he asked the same question to all the 300 persons occupying the floor. he used stay in the same position for more than 12 hours a day.
several years earlier i had occasion to work for another company named nynex s&t in bangkok. the project was to transfer subscribers' usage data held in switches to compile centrally in MF eliminating the step of data entry. NYNEX itself does not exist now. I have no idea what happened to Telecom Asia and what happened to the project. The tamasa that was going on then, eating drinking traveling and of course talking and making fun of china. it was 1994. everybody was at home. everybody knew there is nothing required to be done. i was there because i was paid $2500 per month while those from US were paid $3000 per month for their residential flats alone.
i had lived about six months with sudip one year junior to me in school at asci hyderabad. i was very casual at school but i drew tremendous attention of my teachers and fellow students. i was perpetually absent in college and not attending any classes. there was no reason for me to be very intimate with sudip since he lived outside in dumdum. but we were intimate. it was very funtime living with sudip in hyderabad. thoroughly engaged for 16 hours everyday with activities. asci was fun place to live for everyone ~ married or bachelor! sudip had a philosophy to teach me. no quality or perfection is required of any person. an employer has the choice to settle for less perfect always. what is his incentive? i had nothing to say. asci was my second job. i left org because i was not successful there. perfection was not needed after all! what was i attempting? could i be otherwise and successful? sudip was very good looking handsome and had a girlfriend while in college. he was not so when i met him in hyderabad. he had had another philosophical question, if death is to happen in next moment what are unfulfilled desires still required to be completed? so he was engaged to fulfill all desires right then instead of dying with unfulfilled desires! very busy always.
the other day ravi one other classmate of sudip who is married with his childhood sweetheart geeta spent time with me. i am retired now i explained i no longer am looking to be someone but i spend my time trying to innocent. my guru is a child. away from being success; i am striving to be satisfied with my failures in all avenues of life ~ physical mental financial professional social cultural scholarship knowledge politics .... i have nothing to give truly and nothing to ask but enjoy even unenjoyable ~ i like to be irresponsible; and a child is my guru ~ a child who does not know!
i forget now and do not learn; i cannot teach; i cannot be child; i can be irresponsible
i live in ignorance ~ i am ignorant ~ reason no reason
কারণ বিনা কারণে জানিনা
i am fond of fictions especially those about people who survives all difficulties thrown at them ultimately overcomes all inverses and reverses all and wins. yudhisthira!
for a few months in late 90s i was in WIS in san francisco that has long closed down since. they had a MF product for accounting and a very complicated process of upgrading or making correction. even two lines corrections that i had to do in three months were put under microscope. the company was perhaps about to disappear. the company was headed by chinese who migrated from another company called gateway design engaged in vlsi chips. frank yu was the director of R&D at WIS. he never sat in his office but stood in middle of the floor where 300 people were sitting. for any reason, even bored with nothing to accomplish, i would go for tea toilet or water to stretch my legs, i would meet with frank. he would ask me a question looking at my eyes, "is all alright?" this would follow the next question, "are you top of the things?" perhaps he asked the same question to all the 300 persons occupying the floor. he used stay in the same position for more than 12 hours a day.
several years earlier i had occasion to work for another company named nynex s&t in bangkok. the project was to transfer subscribers' usage data held in switches to compile centrally in MF eliminating the step of data entry. NYNEX itself does not exist now. I have no idea what happened to Telecom Asia and what happened to the project. The tamasa that was going on then, eating drinking traveling and of course talking and making fun of china. it was 1994. everybody was at home. everybody knew there is nothing required to be done. i was there because i was paid $2500 per month while those from US were paid $3000 per month for their residential flats alone.
i had lived about six months with sudip one year junior to me in school at asci hyderabad. i was very casual at school but i drew tremendous attention of my teachers and fellow students. i was perpetually absent in college and not attending any classes. there was no reason for me to be very intimate with sudip since he lived outside in dumdum. but we were intimate. it was very funtime living with sudip in hyderabad. thoroughly engaged for 16 hours everyday with activities. asci was fun place to live for everyone ~ married or bachelor! sudip had a philosophy to teach me. no quality or perfection is required of any person. an employer has the choice to settle for less perfect always. what is his incentive? i had nothing to say. asci was my second job. i left org because i was not successful there. perfection was not needed after all! what was i attempting? could i be otherwise and successful? sudip was very good looking handsome and had a girlfriend while in college. he was not so when i met him in hyderabad. he had had another philosophical question, if death is to happen in next moment what are unfulfilled desires still required to be completed? so he was engaged to fulfill all desires right then instead of dying with unfulfilled desires! very busy always.
the other day ravi one other classmate of sudip who is married with his childhood sweetheart geeta spent time with me. i am retired now i explained i no longer am looking to be someone but i spend my time trying to innocent. my guru is a child. away from being success; i am striving to be satisfied with my failures in all avenues of life ~ physical mental financial professional social cultural scholarship knowledge politics .... i have nothing to give truly and nothing to ask but enjoy even unenjoyable ~ i like to be irresponsible; and a child is my guru ~ a child who does not know!
i forget now and do not learn; i cannot teach; i cannot be child; i can be irresponsible
i live in ignorance ~ i am ignorant ~ reason no reason
কারণ বিনা কারণে জানিনা
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