measure

i do not measure my success

i am not competing

even though i don't; some measurements are conveyed to me in person from my Self

last night i again thought it would be some hard time to sleep. i watched film for two hours. a drank coffee. my mind wandering about my people and their activities. i do not ask; i only do as dictated by my Self. i am learning not to correct my mistakes even when i recognize them.

some improvement. i am incorrigible and must bear my shame of being not acceptable even by me.

last night i propped myself into about sitting position and allowed me to indulge in thoughts ~ no book no pen no conversation no computer no light no open window to look outside.

i saw myself slowly sliding down my head into pillow that is about not present. i was taken over by sleep. did i dream i do not remember. i do not care to remember. after about 5 hours i got up. drank a glass of water and another four hours of sleep.

my measure of me is now ~ a subdued collapsing burnt out sun.

dark unknown is visible ruler and i am sufficiently silenced and subdued. i have to listen to the music being played in silence.

i cannot be free till i do not allow my world to be free and entirely independent of me and i allow all to do everything in their to target me and my demolition without my knowledge!

i allow all to do say and harm me now and always