deja vu

[a story as a child i read from satyajit's sandesh that haunts me to this day ~ i am living with it for all my life]

it is very late hours past midnight ~ i am drawn to a place i do not know how i picked on it

i wished desperately to live in wilderness away ~ truly retired and not in civilization

i made my booking etc. via an old acquaintance ~ he too now retired ~ i used to know him in my college days 5 decades ago

he often talks to me about far away places he spends days now ~ away from civilization among the greens of rain forest ... in the hills continuously pouring and occasional bright sunshines from nowhere revealing sparling new surroundings

........

winding road etched out from the side of the hills have started becoming familiar even in this darkness of past midnight without any lamp or lights

.... i have been here before ....

the sweeping head lights momentarily took me back six or more decades ago ~ i know this place ....

i am pulled to this place after so many decades why i don't quite understand ~ i have to uncover the mystery ~ i do not quite remember ~ it is hidden in my tender child heart still wet not healed ....

on the curve the lights swept through the tall peepal tree ~ there is a chameli bush somewhere ....

it is not yet white still dark blue of pre dawn .. . i am pacing up and down the large breaking down terrace waiting to hear kakoli of morning birds chirping ~ waking up those still sleeping

i remember their songs and singing practice during dawn and dusk in this place .... so far away from my past ....

i remember the gift one day sejomama brought for me from the village market ~ an old man puppet but not quite ~ all stringed up but it would dance on its own ~ i only have to will any trick ~ the old man would dance and play the same ... old man had life and musical ...

and he was not quite same always ~ he was a merry old man with wit and abilities ... always fresh and different .....

where is he

i went out in the overgrown jungle that is swallowing the age old building from all sides ~ i must find the chameli bush

i go exploring the back side behind the large well ~ it is not yet light ~ i am sniffing the air for chameli scent in the air and overcoming all the jungle on my way

there it is ~ chameli bush is there with full bloom whites but its base is covered with overgrown jungle grass ~ there must be a cross somewhere ~ i made from fork and knife

i cannot wait ~ i start tearing and pulling all the thorny bushes and wild grass covering the base ~ the rusty cross is still standing

now i remember ~ tom was quite upset with my old man would go a distance and howl and shiver ~ then one day didima called me for glass of milk that i did not take ...

i left my old man in the chameli bush quite hidden ~ it was only a few minutes before i returned

tom was just waiting for this opportunity to tear off my old man ~ for hours till evening i tried and tried to revive my old man but he did not dance or played no more ....

i made a small casket with my wooden toys made a cross i buried my old man's remains here

i have to find the casket ~ i frantically now start digging ~ i pry open the casket with the rusty fork

a white 11 inch skeleton in the casket

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xGoCIz1lyRs