pancreas

i am ignorant about my body and i truly am superficial

i do not believe in restoration but believing forgetting or not knowing even if i am informed

though i lived among doctors but never looked for knowledge about me nor tested unless forced as a job or residency requirement

many years i was eating garbage traveling all over US and i was suffering from lack of appetite
i experimented with food and finalized on very simple diet of boiled rice lentils potato ghee green chilly and onion diet and milk and juice
final was not final
i was not able to hold this simple food for long to my comfort
on my own i went to doctor for thorough test
i was diagnosed with diabetes

i learnt that i have an organ that produces insulin that converts sugar in blood to energy and my pancreas that produces the same given up producing the same
thus all problem and i need immediate insulin

now i have a problem
with or without insulin my palms and feet starts burning and i remain awake many hours and let them burn me
i cannot sleep
i again started experimented with food
what is my ideal diet that i am me and not suffering
i was told many possibilities waiting for me
blindness heart attack paralysis bone crumbling ...
future did not matter that much but i was bothered about present
being uncomfortable for 24 hours a day

only recently raghu gave me some tips on food
shift to green curd eggs chicken 90%; fruits rice roti sabji cooked limited 10% only; plus some nuts oil cheese etc for taste and variety; as refreshment and health

it is now one week i do not take insulin not even test my sugar
i sleep as long as i wish
my palm or feet do not burn

now; i even am making hypothesis

human evolved pancreas and they are not there in horse or bull
when they started cooking
it was not requirement
i confident to make weekly limited travel for job for extra enjoyment
i no longer enjoy reading or watching video
my topic of writing is about my disappearance

i keep looking out through the window to sky
i watch rain and shine light and dark
i quiz myself ~ am i ready with any future ~ how long and how far away can i live from my fence ~ who and what is not me ~ what can i not forget ~ unforgettable