My problem

My problem is irrational.

i love. i love love. i do not get love.

i got the dream from highest of highest place from the heaven from the sky from my own absolute owner who was till now providing love for 70 years and now kept me separated from love my only ingredient for living.

hell

i am thinking and thinking; and i have no solution.

my life is insufferable. I am just momentarily ejected into space without hope without love.

ma and chhorda are unreachable again and gates to their residence are closed. i am in the streets. stones dirts and shits. food untouchable uneatable drink undrinkable - straight from hell's kitchen. friends undependable - all sufferings ~ not sure how things are working for them. i may have their very temporary ears. a question. nothing more.

i wake up what do i do now? i open my eyes but hell persists and real.

i am in the hell hole in the abyss with no rope no hope of escaping. is it the sky - my permanent home without love?

i kept staring.

i saw the window i kept open last night to remain in touch with the sky. my home of future. but i did not foresee my gravitational attachment with my mother earth that now have made my life HELL.

i need a bed to sleep and room to live. they are not available to me unless given out of love. they are now denied. yudhisthir welcomed hell and he had reason because he had their them he loved ~ mother and brothers. my hell did not have love. my reason for life

i never wished ever life without love

all those, i was sure of providing me love even when they had nothing for themselves, are present only in my mind and memory; they are not real and not existing. they are shunned away from me now and ever.

purposely locked away from me by my owner. i have to see for myself i could not ever dream. now i dreamt and still dreaming forever.

i am prisoner of hate and my love is only memory. only imagination.

it is the message the order from my owner ~ now on i am not allowed to assume love. it does not matter ~ what i think: if this be hell and is unbearable ~ it is up to me.

I CAN NO LONGER ASSUME LOVE 

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