my origin is unknowable

all my attempts to recover my innocence is not so futile
i have some knowledge even though superficial

what is the value of knowledge in my life

at times i am in the residence of divine home that otherwise is missing
i remember frequently traveling home to my mother when i was working in baroda
i would go and buy some book and read without any disturbance from anyone and do not have to go anywhere
they are unforgettable memories of living in heaven

i started my life with stories of dhruva a deprived child from the love of his father banished in the forest because of perceived competition from a step brother for father's affection
his mother told him about faith in creator that alone can make possible to regain his father's affection ~ creator of his world
he sought out in the darkness of night for the creator with his innocence
it did not take long time one night was enough to sit on the lap of his creator
i was to become believer of my creator by my influence of my mother and her stories of ramayan and mahabharat

i came to know all those characters of epics many thousand years old and their characteristics ~ divine qualities

it slowly descended on to me that the greatest character to be pursued is that of yudhisthir

i was not very good at language and then i saw that yudhisthir too was not very good at anything either but he seemed to know something that others did not know
and he did not learnt them from anybody else
he survived naturally without anybody's help always
he was helped miraculously always
although his troubles were endless
being eldest he had to be head of the family and it was not a burden for him
all his dependents were divinity

i remember today the question of bhimsa to krishna
bhimsa was not surprised that yudhisthir or pandavas won 
it was inevitable since they were helped or advised by krishna
what surprised him however
the endless misfortune they had to overcome till they won

two things i learnt from my university education that i notice today that none learnt including my dear genius brother kamal
with the name of kamal i have to mention another gentle soul my other brother gopal
he was not intellectual but he was in divine love always throughout his life
he created an atmosphere of love surrounding him despite all the unforgivable utterings of masima who always found faults with him
all along gopal helped her bring up her children being totally dependent on him

kamal loved me dearly
gopal loved his surroundings - birds animals people neighbor colleague plants trees heat cold whatever
i have not seen him excited or agitated ever
grieved yes but no anger but love exuding always
unselfish without expectation

i learned two remarkable things from university education that even my brother kamal did not learn being six years older and with profound knowledge of mathematics statistics and human ability to predicting missing and locating the same to solve any puzzle

i was also addicted to puzzle and solution
i learnt from him to solve problems by reducing the solution space and bringing it down to finite minimum
another thing was remarkable with him just like my brother gopal
them both had no addiction and both never sought opposite sex

kamal had great faith in modern technology and solution
gopal had faith in traditional practice and he too gave away his solution for free to whoever he knew without them asking ~ without any expectation
kamal gave away solution for any problem whoever brought it to him without any expectation

kamal and gopal were happy with their life and living and one could always see them smiling

i was a suffering soul
i expected love and respect or at least appreciation
my sufferings were unlimited with disappointments
this puzzle i must need to solve before another mortar shell of disappointment

i did not wish to ask the same  question again and again where did i go wrong

my love is divine and it is not for sell or buy transaction
what i earn a divine moment

i may remember if i wish to but i definitely cannot expect the repetition of the same again
it is impossible event
no event is repeatable however pleasant
it is best to forget as soon as possible instead of even reviewing
the content measure of any event is simply nothing ~ complete washout ~ divine

back to education and two valuable learning from education

theorem is important and it is the only means for prediction and there is no other way
however you must be sure of your assumptions
if even one assumption is not true however rigorous logic you may follow
you end up with wrong conclusion or wrong prediction

starting from result ~ any current perception
it is possible to retrace the correct presumption

if the event is disappointment - its cause is invariably one - my wrong assumption
i am the one and only cause
my understanding of any entity is faith
nothing but faith

there is no time invariant faith
except one
no faith

his is common ingredient of all the people or objects in my world
it is possible to live without faith
or expecting or predicting

there is never any disappointment
each and every moment is divine
there is no lesson ever to learn

the only learning

education is must for all
it helps one reach truth discarding all false - people objects values - their outward perceived manifestation

truth is intersection or common to all objects of my world

it is nothing
but the special one
>>no assumption whatsoever

it does not matter how many sun rise or sunset i have seen and do not remember any 
i do not expect another day nor a night

i am poisson from poisson my world is poisson of poisson all is once in lifetime event

in my presence all is faultless divinity pure shining self my once in lifetime experience without analogy without repetition

Every moment this one including is not expectable ~ unknown made in unknown

I have to see hear and feel

even without senses and even without body

i cannot avoid

Impossible