i curse you god in your given language

thank you god from the bottom of my heart (empty space) for making my death inevitable.

but i have to curse you today for making me suffer till i die
i cannot escape living

i tried skipping living today
the suffering of living monotony and boredom
i tried sleeping the whole day
but now i am awake cannot sleep and writing

i curse you for more reasons than this
there was no reason for language
even then why did you make me learn
and now at this hour of night without sleep
i am thinking and writing

i beg you for some tool to escape thinking
and living my retirement
and my incapacity to do thing i enjoyed

how do i escape my suffering

please at the very least you let the water level rise and drown me
it is intolerable to see water standing still under ground and my feet

at the very least give me a reason why i have to live

i am a mouse caught in the feet waiting death that is forever delayed
and no escape from living 

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