talking
when did i start talking? it is non stop talking for every wake hours for me. my son did not talk for 3 years. Cole is about two is not talking. taking time off. joya took sohom to doctor an ear specialist. he had hundred tuning fork and he examined soham's hearing capability creating different sounds and looking at reflections from one year old baby's sensitivity towards different sound frequency. joya insists with that Cole should be taken to ear specialist. it is not problem of hearing though. Cole is not very inclined to talk. conversation is not necessity. he fetches me out as companion and you need not talk with your companion but play. cicilia came other day. she can express herself but then i am not very capable follower of her conversations. i do not follow my son very well; it is same with cicilia and many others , about 80% of the conversation i do not follow.
i need not follow.
All these prolog is required to assess my ability to learn. i do not learn many things taught to me for all my years by my associates; they are friends, teachers, siblings, relations.... . i even fail to notice that such things do exist and i do not learn. so many learning lessons happening all around me, all the time. i wonder now how one can waste one's own whole life in pursuit of such things; that i do not even notice.
day in day out for more than one year sajal used to come to me about input output model his research guide asked him to work on. i was never interested in economics; i found as a subject of learning, it is utter nonsense and intended for cheating people about something that does not ever exists. it is lowest form cheating. it was about two years after sajal gave me a paper to read that he was trying to publish in econometrica. i found it was everything i told him. but then it was nothing original they existed always and I knew it; and he did not know. although we were in the same class for 5 years at isi. he had to take it from me for one year working on it. however there were two mistakes. they were in first couple of pages itself. then sajal told me; he was told by some t n srinivasan that he could make more papers and publish them as correction. so he was not correcting them.
innocent can never be lost no matter how certain is the reward or punishment.
i did not want to learn more. i instantly doubted if that paper of his is going to be of any use for anybody since it was not even useful of him. it may fetch him some more papers but he is tone deaf about Saraswati the goddess of learning. he is in the opposite track of learning! next time i heard from him over phone, he told me that he was no longer involved in econometrics. he works on some other branch of economics. i do not know what and i did not care. faking knowledge is not learning even if one is able to recite the same. Reciting poem written by rabindranath tagore does not make him the poet tagore or what he really was trying to convey by that poem.
this is again prolog to what i am trying to convey here. now.
it is a life time that we rather i have no option but spend in the planet earth among my family and rest of the world of people and events. like me, all the people, have no option but learn. and when time comes we leave this world. we leave everything and everyone and all learnings. what is it not knowing just now?
one has to without option leave behind everything - even debts grief disappointments pains and sufferings, along with all the bites of conscience; some cannot be even written down in one's autobiography or secretly in any written form or symbols. will they go with them in case there is another world? what use they can be there? unnecessary cataract or tinted glass seeing a new world as old. seeing a stick and imagining it a snake.
a lifetime spent for what purpose then? Learning unstoppable every moment after birth, for what use? what is that one carry out of this world after one's demise that otherwise if not acquired by one in this life; one has to come back again and again.
ravana was banished from baikuntha - thoughtless heaven. he begged to know when he could return to the heaven again. he was given two options. if he pursue the path of devotion to norm - seven lifes. if he pursue the path of rebellion to norm three lifes.
what is that to learn for which one is born?
next, have i learnt it? do i know i do not know?
yes. however i cannot speak in any form in any language or media. I cannot even write it in air with air pen with colored air ink.
silent for ever i must remain and not writing this.
another life is not required.
i am certified graduate. i know that i cannot know. it is impossible.
illusion
i need not follow.
All these prolog is required to assess my ability to learn. i do not learn many things taught to me for all my years by my associates; they are friends, teachers, siblings, relations.... . i even fail to notice that such things do exist and i do not learn. so many learning lessons happening all around me, all the time. i wonder now how one can waste one's own whole life in pursuit of such things; that i do not even notice.
day in day out for more than one year sajal used to come to me about input output model his research guide asked him to work on. i was never interested in economics; i found as a subject of learning, it is utter nonsense and intended for cheating people about something that does not ever exists. it is lowest form cheating. it was about two years after sajal gave me a paper to read that he was trying to publish in econometrica. i found it was everything i told him. but then it was nothing original they existed always and I knew it; and he did not know. although we were in the same class for 5 years at isi. he had to take it from me for one year working on it. however there were two mistakes. they were in first couple of pages itself. then sajal told me; he was told by some t n srinivasan that he could make more papers and publish them as correction. so he was not correcting them.
innocent can never be lost no matter how certain is the reward or punishment.
i did not want to learn more. i instantly doubted if that paper of his is going to be of any use for anybody since it was not even useful of him. it may fetch him some more papers but he is tone deaf about Saraswati the goddess of learning. he is in the opposite track of learning! next time i heard from him over phone, he told me that he was no longer involved in econometrics. he works on some other branch of economics. i do not know what and i did not care. faking knowledge is not learning even if one is able to recite the same. Reciting poem written by rabindranath tagore does not make him the poet tagore or what he really was trying to convey by that poem.
this is again prolog to what i am trying to convey here. now.
it is a life time that we rather i have no option but spend in the planet earth among my family and rest of the world of people and events. like me, all the people, have no option but learn. and when time comes we leave this world. we leave everything and everyone and all learnings. what is it not knowing just now?
one has to without option leave behind everything - even debts grief disappointments pains and sufferings, along with all the bites of conscience; some cannot be even written down in one's autobiography or secretly in any written form or symbols. will they go with them in case there is another world? what use they can be there? unnecessary cataract or tinted glass seeing a new world as old. seeing a stick and imagining it a snake.
a lifetime spent for what purpose then? Learning unstoppable every moment after birth, for what use? what is that one carry out of this world after one's demise that otherwise if not acquired by one in this life; one has to come back again and again.
ravana was banished from baikuntha - thoughtless heaven. he begged to know when he could return to the heaven again. he was given two options. if he pursue the path of devotion to norm - seven lifes. if he pursue the path of rebellion to norm three lifes.
what is that to learn for which one is born?
next, have i learnt it? do i know i do not know?
yes. however i cannot speak in any form in any language or media. I cannot even write it in air with air pen with colored air ink.
silent for ever i must remain and not writing this.
another life is not required.
i am certified graduate. i know that i cannot know. it is impossible.
illusion
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