inheritance

I got up from an hour long sleep. I inherit my world from where I left. Cups of tea. Food I ate. Words I wrote read and talked created the world I inherit now. Even if disown my past completely.

I have now as my starting point.

Question I ask me what can I do for my world? I borrow from Robert Kennedy, 'ask not what your country do for you but what can you do for your country'.

As usual I remember a story from Mahabharata; Jayadratha father went to seek the goal of making to heaven himself after securing the long life for Jayadrata with a boon from Shiva (?) that anybody removes the head of Jayadrata, would result in removal of his or her head. The boon resulted in disaster for both. head of Jayadratha was thrown into lap of his father and without realising what he was doing he threw it in the ground and became responsible for Jayadrata death as well as death of himself.

What can I do for my world?

My world is very small. My wife and two children who are grown up now. I cannot rest but would like to rest after ensuring long life for my immediate family. I am doing everything for them for last 36 years. Even though I promised myself I shall not interfere and devote time to learn not to interfere but this promise I cannot keep.

again and again i get involved trying to secure longer life for my family.

They are adult and on their own world and I cannot make any difference to their worlds. except where they are common for all four of us. Each to our perception. My perception ~ I alone know as I endeavor to know myself.

They all have body mind intellect and experience as per their capacity in this household. They shall inherit what I possibly may leave behind. It is very limited and it is not enough to ensure long life to them. It may be my debt and responsibility that they may not like to inherit. I am sure they under no circumstances take the obligation to take my commitment as their responsibility.

I know my world for sure. I cannot change them. I cannot change my world. my world is quite truly is illusion. it is not my hypothesis. while everything about my world is my hypothesis.

What can I do for my country? what can I do for mother earth? what can i do for my world? what can i do for my family any further and how long? can i not rest in peace relieving myself and retire?

I only wish I could do something.

I inherit my world every morning. with all agony pain and apprehension. i cannot do any good for me what good can I do for my family.

i am one hundred percent aware of the creator of my world and i am under watch constantly even when i am not attentive and asleep. what i have written just now is truly written by him. it may rest my mind  and if he only intend so; that i can rest in sleep to wake in a brand new world; and not expecting. a brand new world that i need.

my world is one hundred percent false - illusion but my creator is not; he has no footprint in the illusion that i am always belong and indulge in.

I deserve my world as he determines, if there is tomorrow. he always gives me a brand new without precedence. however i always eat yesterday's stale bread.

what is wrong with me?

i have just gotten up.
i know about machine learning. and i am keeping records about events.
given a new event, I look up past records to find the events that is similar. and predict now what all events may happen in future and the course i must take to ensure THE SAFETY of my family. I am robot. Can I truly safeguard my family? As i have been doing the same in the past last 36 years.

i wake up to a new world given to me by creator fresh from bakery.
mistakenly and foolishly like a robot i look up in my vast memory for similarity of my brand new world.
i show my robotic intelligence and predict about my future world yet to come.
and i start doing things as i had done in the past thinking that it makes my future world better and safer for me and my family.

does this doings of mine create a better world for me or my family? is creator a servant of mine?

i do not see any reason for the same. i cannot conceivably influence my creator ever. i am illusion - false - created . creator is always.

fortunately my future world is not guided by my activities and my foolishness. my past world recordings are of no use ever for finding anything about my current world. my current activities based on my hypothesis that my current world being an incarnation of past is another foolish assumption of mine. creator if any of my current world is not guided by my assumption.

fortunately.

I am a machine and i think my world is repeating over and over. i see cloud that does not exist; i see human cities in my cloud. my fertile imaginative mind always sees. but master or creator of the illusion has one expectation from me.

enjoy your imagination but know it is illusion ~ that is false and there is not even a trace of truth in it. it is momentary flicker of sun on the crest of wave of my thinking.

nothing ever repeats. all recordings are useless. they are further illusion of my fertile mind.

I must treat current world as it is. no option otherwise.
it is neither better nor worse than any previous recordings in my memory.
my future world if any will be brand new world only; and without any precedence.
all my knowledge is useless. nothing is expected from me. i am perfectly sure without any doubt that i cannot influence my dream my illusion by doing anything in my illusion. no pija no prayer no donation no pilgrimage no exercise no food no fasting no mantra no yantram no tranta no dharna ... can effect truth

my world is unexpected now. unexpected always. true.