amitava

Amitava is very live in me and i would do everything to discover him. he was for about two years my classmate. he was very talented singer of hindi songs and very friendly. i think it was in 1971. I was going to chittaranjan i met him at asansol station. i invited him to come  with me. in chittaranjan he had a relative and we ate lunch at their place. his uncle was very proud and all praise about his son doing phd in control systems in some usa university. he brought a file and started sharing paper cuttings about his son. he had two beautiful daughters. one was at home, the youngest one. searching for amitava i started hunting down on this person in usa. i knew his name. i located him in texas. He is a professor in electrical engineering. surfing some more i located him in facebook. apparently he is a musician too. however i was not very successful to locate his two siblings. i located some names but i am not sure. 

i still use google for my daily out pour. today i received an archive file but looking into it i found it is only skeleton and words that i write were not there. i again made request for missing contents.

i like playing with words. i know that i am unknown and the secret shall always remain secret. i am me while all known to me like amitava now unknown; this unique property is not going to change. in english we have a word for this - absolute. all the known and knowledge that i have acquired over the course of my life they originated from me and farm raised by me in me. Not cared they wither and die and become unknown like amitava only. i cannot find them. they become absent and merge with me - the absolute. present always but absent in appearance.

any false is transient. i have been false all my life. it was not sustainable. i had to vanish sooner or later. i could not live indefinitely. i am too fragile no matter how delicately i handle myself and protect myself. i got cracked for no reason. instantly i am dust. dust too could not be stored it vanished before my senses.

I just tried to show myself. Impossible.

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