why reading thinking or writing do not make me innocent

i lack faith in me and cannot stay away from my knowledge or experience
i must be enjoying my suffering in my own hand

time is illusion of my mind

i hide gandiv and abandon my knowledge
i need no protection

there is no account of time
i remember my gandiv and go searching
who are they
i remember the hidden cite
i am instantly aware of my world that was not there

my insecurity is my security
my world
my happiness
my home
is my unhappiness
is my instability

the inseparable 5 brothers fell on after another
their home their anchor departed first
they were heading towards meru where heaven touches earth
the fixed point
automatic elevator instantly sucks one to heaven from meru
meru is the land of innocence
where i landed
.........................

does time flow in heaven
is it possible ever to return again to my world
or knowledge is lost and impossible
i would not know
i spilled my beans
meru has no atmosphere
meru is absence
unless one has a blueprint of home one cannot make home

...................
i have been stray dog all my life and searching for a home with warmth food and care for my rest of my life

i searched for home
i searched for love
i searched imperishable

i trained to be the master creator to create my own home permanent
i built the foundation without future

home
imperishable
made of love and only love
built with bricks of joy without words
only and nothing else

my home never rocks
waves storms fires never touches my home
i do not quiver shiver whimper in my home
my home is filled with music only music no words
fragrance only fragrance no cadavre
waves and waves of now always now without end

no reason no word no future no expectation no need

i cry loud i cannot hear
i am mute or am i deaf
i try i cannot consume
i lost my appetite or am i full

মক্ষিকাও গলেনাকো পড়িলে অমৃত হ্রদে
even a fly does not disappear in the lake
immortal

i am home at last
i know i don't know