none and nothing ever due to me

i always engage in relative truth
they are so obsessing that they occupy my mind and environment like fog for many many days and years
i am talking about them now day in day out for many decades

one that cropped up in my mind is about teacher and student and learning

we have seen purana stories that learning for karna did not come to use because he feigned his origin to Parasuram his teacher
his may come to use for others except himself since he did not represented himself
is it absolute or relative
relative

no guru can teach better than oneself

i have another story from guru dronacharya about his own low origin from poverty

in order to elevate himself from poverty he became royal teacher from royal origins and refused to teach anyone else
although one aboriginal assumed drona as teacher in seclusion and learned himself
self taught
drona found out by chance his superior talent and in order to preserve royal patronage he physically damaged his ability by asking remuneration as his teacher
it looked as if it is mistake to even hypothetically assume living any as teacher when one is not

personally when i look at myself
i was privileged to be taught by many throughout my life some living some dead
i also refused to comply with wishes of some of my teacher
however i have been earning my living till now without their blessings perhaps in my profession life
in a way i have taken but not met their expectations
it is again relative truth and not absolute

guru absolute however does not change that guides me throughout my life and lives and provides me with whatever guru is my need for the hour

fake learning cannot be taught
absolute sees to it that a dummy is dummy

i can only know what is revealed to me
i have no option but be happy with my present unhappiness

i may be able to hide from some or perhaps all
but i cannot hide from present
now is always visible to me
now reflects me
i am always under observation
i am instantly caught when i am lying
i am forever dummy fake not real

present is real while i am not
i am caught forever in now and cannot leave now even for a moment

why i see illusion or deluded or expecting when there is no future
i am fake false do not existing
i know yet i assume
delusion is is my punishment

ECHO "beggar cannot be chooser"

i do not deserve