cache

intelligence is required to do things faster than others in the same time

i somehow against this most of my life
i did not wish to be good at things for the reason of getting attention
i enjoyed cleverness for the sake of cleverness
my brother was very good at doing things precisely saving space and information and using algorithms
i was fortunate to watch him doing this
he did it for the sake of fun as well as he was very broad minded to give the same away free
he never felt bad about it and did not wish his named associated with the same
he had a teacher D Basu who did lot of fundamental work in statistics and is also remembered for the same
his theorem known as basu's theorem had a very short proof give by kamal
basu begged kamal publicly many times to publish the same or allow him to do the same but he turned down
kamal was famously known in isi to give solutions, proofs or counter examples that benefited others and never sought laurels for himself
he was very unperturbed about the same
everyday he got countless problems to work on and he worked on them for many days only to give away the results for others benefit or use as their intellectual property
today i understand that product of intelligence is always trash but kamal knew it for sure all her life

i considered for sometime that smartness is harmful for society as such
while it is not so
society lives on
individual smartness has no impact at all

the word is parallel

kamal stayed in the same place for about 54 years doing the same thing he was better at ~ solving nutty puzzles
he used to cache some preliminary results with him
i was very reluctant to use his techniques and never did the same
i enjoy forgetting
he had precomputed multiplication table in memory
he could do arithmetics very fast without writing
he taught me many of his techniques but i refused to learn them
he was good at his knowledge of set theoretic algebra to provide proof or counter example to fundamental conjectures
in academic institutions it is considered as academic honesty to give credit to the person who is responsible for providing a solution
kamal never cared about the same or insisted for credit
many would secretly come to him when none is watching

i do not have this ability to give away that was uniquely his

people predict one's own future far beyond one's own life time
to live when one is not earning
we create a cache

money
does money ensure long life

we have earth and several level of atmosphere above
money and exchange is one atmosphere among them
where smartness inhabited
i was not really smart
kamal had his cache of money and banks
good enough for his life time
and since he did not wish them to be used after he was not there
he did not have any follower or descendant
the cache disappeared as soon as he died

i belonged to an organization for about two years
turner morrison
a finance and investment company
their business was to buy and sell shares
investment company belonged to sahu jain
employees too did the same
the entire day and night they watched the share market and speculate
they needed broader investor base
uninitiated like us to sell their investments turning sour or stagnant
i was initiated and for me it was waste of time to watch stock prices
and hypothesize reason for the same
my entire life is waste
i know today
my life is wrong investment
all my investment in India whether bank shares mutual funds etc
i did not care after i came to usa

i really do not like to be near or with people in the roller skater
i do not like to be following warren buffett or bill gate or  tom cook
i am not interested in what they are interested in
making money at a greater roller coaster speed

i am not very smart like my brother kamal
who had intelligence to create a cache for his lifetime use
that earned him laurels and activities every day
he subscribed to bridge world and spent time solving the quizzes when he was no more interested in academics
after he retired his fans made a bridge institute for him to teach bridge in Calcutta
even his academic teaching technique was uniquely his
he solved all the exercises after each chapter

i love inactivities
i do not need to be outside
or attend tournaments of Bridge
or see places
or attend concerts
or read books
i am happy not getting excitement

i used to get excited with my limited repoiter of vocabulary or limited notion of me
i do not need them no longer
nor do i need to know what i see or understand

i do without analysis of cause of any kind of change
i taught myself not to perceive change and investigate

i do not wish to be in the marketplace of planet earth
i am tied in so many little threads in spider web
i am trying to cut them loose
i am the spider who does not like my own web farm of bugs

i have to empty the cache and rid my bed of bugs
i need sleep anyhow
inactivity is greater joy than activities

i am richer than
my life of pleasures pledges debts commitments relations memory money naps bed home planet earth universe and plus unlimited time
i do not enjoy my life
this i enjoy

i am the host the supreme
however this role i can never claim
that role is of my gurudev
if ever i do claim that
all my knowledge my sanity shall instantly disappear

[yagnavalkya warned gargi that her head shall fall off if she ever question about ancestry of her ancestor]

any habit is bad occupation of staying away from home
i can no longer afford