parts unknown

this evening i got email from netflix informing me last few episodes of anthony is there for me to view.

this time i paid extra attention to anthony and what he has to deliver. it is an incomplete series since  anthony committed suicide in a paris hotel hanging. earlier i could see he was very disturbed.

in this series the episode in bunoisaros he about half the time was with a therapist explaining his nightmares. it did not help him. I am familiar with his nightmares. I have seen them many times. One is I am returning home but unable to find my way. the world has completely changed and i cannot return home. the other is my incomplete education at isi. i cannot find my chass rooms and i cannot graduate.

i do not look for cure from my nightmares no matter how disturbing the same is. my world without home or with home is not worth seeking. I accept myself sufficient.

he was looking for hope despite knowing that the god has given him plenty. he has most desirable engagement in the world. he could travel any place any time. he has viewers audience and readers. yet he was looking for hope ~ a time without nightmares.

he asked last, his therapist what did she think about his situation. she said only hope possibly that he would realize that he is hopeless.

none in this world has an escape route. the realization is the summation of all suffering from pointless search despite all desirables.

there is no time better than now and there never ever will be one. hopeless living.

truth is inescapable ~ hopeless.