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words cannot convey peace.

silence and inaction radiate peace.

for more than 2500 years Buddha is synonymous to peace
he left behind no words and no symbol nothing to identify with him.
his absence has only left behind only that to identify with him.

my appetite for his statue is unending
I bring them home wherever i find them
in different postures.
How people started to mean peace with its statues i don't know.
Hindus have a symbol for peace and that meant nothing in a way.
neither sleep nor wake nor dream nor absent and not even that.

Buddha statues have been destroyed enmass in many war torn countries like afghanistan syria.
Did Buddha looked like any of them?
they look similar in appearance
hairless fatless bellyless body. large longish ears. curly hair like crown on the head. some have a small circle of bindi on the forehead. lotus eyes are not looking and turned inwards to himself.
One hand showing symbol of Sunya.
I have seen some of his statues
him sleeping sideways
I have one in my house
Buddha is asleep sitting
his head is resting on a raised knee
upon backs of his palms

I have heard lot of Buddha stories.

One mother with a body of dead child came to him to give her child's life back.
Buddha asked her to get a fistfull of rice from any household that have not seen the grief of death. She could not bring.

Buddha named his followers Bhikshu and gave them a bowl.
It is mock symbol for bowel in one's own hand
a silent way to show their limited desire in their hand.
Mahajana sect has the inverted bowl (empty) as the symbol for their worship
symbol of no hunger to appease.

I liked the story of Buddha's mahanirvan.
He ate his last meal given to him by a very poor man who had nothing but some days old pig meat. Buddha ate that in satisfaction in front of him even though it was poisonous.
Buddha is forever innocent.
His death too conveys his innocence.

i am looking for peace because I am very disturbed with my broken relationship.
my family ever since contracting or growing.
I have not known peace.
I am disturbed and i see never ending circles of disturbance surround me. words noise words noise ....

do i need to recognize words or sound and their meaning?
in what way can I stop this noise unending?
who is creator of this noise?

I am the source of all noise surrounding me.
I looked for an answer to stop myself creating noise. I am fed up with my inability.
I cannot stop myself creating words.
I am looking at the words or noise I am creating just now.
I am awake two hours. unless the noise is out of me and i am temporarily empty
i shall not get sleep. I wish to sleep.

I have four children coming to my house.
One is about seven months old making noise whenever she is hungry or in discomfort
crying otherwise silent.
Sometimes she is making some repeating noise such as dadada mamama etc.

I have another child more than a year old - very noisy when not sleeping.
she is always eating  talking or crying etc.
she has to be stopped making noise with a sucking nipple in her mouth.
she knows lot of things numbers letters rhymes etc.

I have another child older than her.
very active curious listening learning but does not make any sound
otherwise children of his age make.
He is not dumb.
He is not inclined to make any noise or learning words alphabets or numbers.
He expresses in body language.
He is sort of engineer who would like to know what is what
built in intelligence of any machine.
he is very fond of cell phone handpiece remote control kitchen devices
any intelligent device tv video radio whatever.

I have another girl older than him. she recognizes letter words and speaks them.
she prefers not to do anything.
she keeps standing or sitting or sleeping or eating or not eating with her mouth filled.
she has the ability to be inactive for many hours as is.

I know that I can earn my peace being silent. I know I can bring peace in my surrounding by my silence. I know that there is no reason to break my silence.

all my knowledge is in theory
i am a failure for 50 years now
I am unable to practice silence
I cannot create silence around me

book of dead ~ written by me and read everyday but unable to practice

i had once tibetan book of dead
i remember nothing from it and do not know what was about
i remember someone mentioning that he reads that book everyday
ajit singh
son of charan singh
now politician
then a computer professional

here is my book of dead in many volumes of words:
my memories are dead without meaning without future without feeling without curiosity
my knowledge is dead without meaning without future without feeling without curiosity
my mind is dead without meaning without future without feeling without curiosity
my body is dead without meaning without future without feeling without curiosity
my intellect is dead without meaning without future without feeling without curiosity
my relations are dead without meaning without future without feeling without curiosity
my past is dead without meaning without future without feeling without curiosity
my future is dead without meaning without future without feeling without curiosity
my present is dead without meaning without future without feeling without curiosity

I am dead without meaning without future without feeling without curiosity
my world is dead without meaning without future without feeling without curiosity


?????
do i need to know?
even if i am informed, do I think? do i act? do i feel? do i see?
no, nothing?
not even another attempt to reach heaven or nirvana
?????


all any nothing none unknown is indistinguishable inseparable indivisible me. I am irreducible and always.

any thing left more to tell? who and what am i left to communicate? what more can I know or learn from my life?

I am empty. I am mute without choice. all is fresh new. never repeating. unexpected. unknown
all is me and only me
indistinguishable inseparable irreducible untellable
unknown always
there is no other entity other than me to deliver me peace
unless i unite with my world and vanish without identity

I cannot keep my resolve is my weakness
unsolvable by no other means

আমি শান্ত। নেই অশান্তি।

নেই কোনো লোক । নেই কোনো কথা।।

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