depth of my understanding

I am not happy about me.

but i have to tolerate my unhappiness without further show.

and in case I do show I must not be unhappy about the same.

for I do not control me and my reactions

I have no means.

I am not the standard.

I am trying hard to align myself to the standard

and I am failing.

I have to accept without choice that I shall never be happy ever.

I am unhappier trying trying to be happy.

I can not be zero. I cannot be positive.

I have to be positive about me of being negative always.

I have no choice. I wish I had a choice.

I am forever stumped by my creator and denied my pleasure.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

non american

several months back i was asked by some of my guests if i am to cast my vote for president again, would i cast on trump. i was peeved at trump on his choice of cabinet and governance. nothing seem to work. there is too much of negativity in the air. the agenda is continuing even after 2 years of election of President as it was 2 years before election - 'trump is not presidential'. clintons obamas and the whole of democratic party could not derail trump from becoming president. agenda is still on. if i cannot be president then i shall not allow anyone to function as president even if he is the president. the world is seeing the drama that is taking place and enjoying it at the expense of america. my choice at the next election is clear none from Democratic party. that party is a hoax. clintons obamas are jokers with misaligned personalities. if trump is biased by his family, democrats are deranged personalities - self seeking self promoting; there is no place of another indiv...
Read more

প্রান্তরের গান আমার

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9VHJkDvEU70 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RohUmPdnbqQ Prantorer gaan amar                প্রান্তরের গান আমার              song of mine is from far away metho surer gaan amar           মেঠো সুরের গান আমার        tune of mine is from wet earth harie gelo kon belaye              হারিয়ে গেলো কোন বেলায়   long ago it was lost from me akashe agun jwalaye                আকাশে আগুন জ্বালায়       my heaven is on fire now meghla diner swapan amar     মেঘলা দিনের স্বপন আমার  reminding me dreams of rainy day fasal bihin mon k(n)adaye ||    ফসল বিহীন মন কাঁদায় ।।   wetting my barren mind with cries prantorer gaan amar..               প্রান্তরের গান আমার...
Read more

dinkar

dinkar was my colleague for one year at asci. when asci was breaking up after dr banerji, he wished i join him at new venture at patna an it service company. he promised me accomodation and food. i did not go. i had my dreams. i was fond of dinkar. he did some ms from us. his reason for ms was his inferiority complex - his wife was phd in zoology from ranchi. he was always bubbling loud with enthusiasm. he was very interested in quizzing and drinking.  he used to look forward to drinking at his home. he had a collection of records of folk music from caribbean island that he would play loud and sing loud. but his aim was to get knocked out at the end of the drinking session. the last episode. his wife would be silently watching his progress. after he gets knocked out, it is her responsibility to drag him to bed. nizwar another colleague of mine preferred to call him drinker. i used to live very far away from him in a hilltop stone cottage. on weekends he would travel  about ...
Read more