defect elimination

I hunted for my defects some time around 1975-6.

I was unable to eat my rejection. I listed lot of things I do not like and never thought about them. I did not like to eat fish, okra, bitter gourd, anything slippery, even water from various sources. I started eating them also started liking them. I did not like criticism and dishonor and comparison. I started liking them. I was fond of relationship. I started liking severing relationship for no adequate reasons. I started disliking comforts. I started doing without medicine. I was used warm water for bath. I started taking bath in cold water. I used to skip bath and clean clothes. I started bathing everyday and washing my clothes every day. I removed myself from my daily meeting with my friends and started living alone.

I became very happy person. I had tremendous concentration and could work non-stop 16 hours at least. I was very healthy happy with myself and totally devoid of fear. I had no inhibition and was capable of laughing at anything. I was not touched with grief or melancholy. I thought that reached my pinnacle of highest as human being.

I was shattered within a year or 18 months. My pride confidence courage satisfaction happiness disappeared without any trace.

It took many decades to get out of the rut.

I got out of me a promise to live without necessity. Without technology, people, money, earning, sound, support, health, wealth, cover, words  ... from moment to moment day to day ... without future.... Without doing.

Every meal is my last meal even though I am inexhaustible bad omen.

I have to prove me ,, my adequacy my sufficiency without any procrastination without desirable without support without necessity without noise.

I am happy forever if only I clean my room and keep them all out of my door.

I wish I am devoid of want. No option I must eat my wants. Fortunately I am very imaginative and I have plenty always without flexing any muscle.