Bliss

Can I describe?

I shall try?

I was dreaming a long dream - I was looking for my result of proficiency but it was withheld. I could not get even little morsel out of the whole institution. My name followed by recognition as my brother followed by comment result withdrawn. I went around person to person but the status - HOPELESS.  I knew in my position being the owner of the my world - I have to stomach this and come out.

This the alternative.

I slowly came around to senses. Eyes closed I started feeling the return of senses in some part of my body. But nothing urgent to come back to life. I remained motionless and I told myself till I am moved. For curiosity I opened my eyes to see the time. It was not yet eight. I remembered basin full of unwashed dish. Nothing is allowed to be strain since I am committed to be alone. I remembered my decision to tell my son in monotone what is last date he may count my support. I needed not tell him. It was not required. I have no feelings either. I cooked my breakfast and ate. I needed not eat. No accomplishment either. I opened the front door, made my tea and sat looking outside sipping tea.

I was reading a Nero Wolfe but I was not curious. It can wait.

for some time I started picking fault with me. I wrote two three blogs but they were not very much of important. Self improvement is not very appetising. I started preparing for lunch. I had some fried fish. I wished to make curry. When I was frying onions, I was called to help her with threading the bobbin. I really do not remember anything this days. Forgetting has become habit. It is part of the bliss. While I was trying to thread my onion was burning. It did not matter. After fifteen minutes I went back to cooking. It did not look tasty. But then it is part of bliss. I took bath. Bath too is bliss - I did not use soap and oil. I sprayed myself some fragrance. Food was not very tasty. It is part of bliss. I went to Indian Groceries after hunting in the internet for fragrant Moong dal. I wasted time and bought some juices and two kochuris. I made tea and ate one kuchari. It was not good taste. It is part of bliss. I reflected on my capacity to earn. unsuccessful talks In am having. None looking to be promising. I am sure of my capacity but not very enthusiastic. All is me. It is part of my bliss.

I was now in the front porch in easy chair. I was again called to complete watering plants. they need not. I have dropped out from all people. but then all is me. logic and reason is not motivation. Anyway I did some watering though not needed. I thought of going for cycling. There were far too many things in the garage. It was too much of effort to extract the cycle. Instead I went for walk. with eyes on the road i did not look around and noticed not much. It is part of blish. I thought some about my understanding of my world. debated on desirability of knowledge and innocence. It is part of the bliss. While walking I thought about Scholar or Scholarship. The futility of the same. wasted effort.

when truth is empty space with me ignorant without any knowledge the divinity. my every thought is bliss. nothing changes ever. nothing as much as something is same bliss. I proceeded to read Nero Wolfe. I have to go now and prepare my dinner. I forgot to bring green chilli. I cook often rice and dal and an egg boiled. eatwith some ghee green chilli and salt. After dinner some sweet lemon pickle or curd. Part of my daily bliss.

My sandal is pretty worn out. I have order a pair and also a thermos. I plan to keep thermos filled with boil water for tea whenever I want. I am dropped out of circle of friends. I stopped telephoning.

Bliss - my world is full of bliss all kinds. Currently Cole is my only friend. He cares for me. He fetches me out and tries to engage me with pranks and toys. He engages me with sweet smiles and encourages me with indulgence. He does not talk and he needs not. He too is part of my bliss.

I have slight discomfort in my throat and occasional sneezes. Part of living in bliss.

Bliss is many pairs of layers Icings ~ each pair - the present and the absent

I too am two ~ my absent is the. 

All ~ he she them ~ all are my results ~ karmaphal ~ blisses - nourishments ~ I am my karmaphal