nowthenafter

a yogi spent many years and tried many things but was unsuccessful. he is unable to perceive just now as just now he is filled up with so many disturbing knowledge that needs immediate attention and unless attended just then ~ time is so very difficult to bear ~ he cannot find at this moment the woolen toupee and winter is coming ~ worries and worries he is equally filled with matters he must know and he does not know ~ will it rain soon if so he must hatch roof before it starts leaking even staying alone is disturbing ~ people long dead making appearance in dream and keeping him awake for many hours afterwards during the day there is a gap below my front door ~ i spent many hours plugging it my covered porch with tiles are broken ~ i spent many hours replacing I am searching for lost items and i am preparing for unknown future loss ~ i have only just now only to do them all ~ i do not have moments relief wake sleep or dream busy busy busy yogi asked for help from many...

vedavyasa is unsurpassable https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vyasa he names his father parashar and mother satyavati ~ offspring of touch love for truth he had many offsprings in many generations dhritarashtra pandu vidur shuka ... blind pale knowledge parrot  https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shuka karna was sensitive sound of words went for learning warfare from a person belonged to past age of bruteforce and his weapon too is axe. parasuram was egoist and belonged to highest class of pedigree by virtue of birth and he would not teach karna who believed himself to belong to lowest class being reared by fishermen ignoring his birth signs of highest class. karna lied saying he too was brahmin. however parasuram found out that he was not brahmin like him, karna was not touch sensitive and could endure physical discomfort unlike parasuram. hearing being called and believing oneself so is self deceiving ~ fault parasuram cursed him for lying to him. Karna would forget his learning...

i wait for the fresh divinity to enter my room in the morning stunningly beautiful and fragrant she is not looking at me till she is in my hands and then she looks at me she blesses me with her toothless gummy silent laugh with full display of red petals lips and tongue in bloom fixing her glittering eyes on me i wait for her showerings of happiness her expressions are simple ~ happiness of meeting, luxury of feeding while relaxing, playing by herself, asking attention when uncomfortable, laughing and dancing on me holding my fingers she is not idiot i am trying to be she is intelligence pure that i can never be she is herself sh is my guru she teaches me perfection ~ by convention i am disallowed to say her name or snap her photo or record her noise ~ else my learning shall disappear

i stayed at b18 sarvodaya enclave for 4 plus years. my landlord was retired from hindustan times; but in his own way very knowledgeable. unlike everyone in delhi, he was slow and retarded. he possibly had some ancestral land; and his house was built very cheap; and he had a factory premise at noida. two grown up sons did nothing but engaged in looking after all these. there were two tenants including me. one tenancy remained most of the time unoccupied. so was his factory remained without business. rarely there were any order for polythene bags. there were some free occupants in the factory though. two adult sons got married after i left and were living where i lived. simplicity was hallmark of their life. they lived on chapatis potatoes a bottle of milk and tea. I spent many idle hours with the old man when i was not going to office. he was my strength of support. he assured me that this house is mine and i could live there as long as i want. i left the house and shifted to kol...

i have two nama baburnama and bangalnama two written in two different languages that is readable by me. one is about bengal in the eyes of a bangal - bengali from east of bengal. bengali from west of bengal is known as ghoti. baburnama was written by babur in persian. babur was from father side monghol and mother side persian descendant from temurlang. the strangest achievement of babur after his father died of a fall from at a tender age of twelve came from afghanistan to conquer a very large chunk of subcontinent and his descendant ruled india for 333 years. it was taken away without any bloodshed by british only. yet mighty british could only rule for only 190 years. the world had not seen a single dynastic rule ever before. baburnama shows babur's intellect. before invading subcontinent he collected supports from all his neighboring mights on a share proposal on the loot of wealth. some did not wish to stay long and become part of the rule. he paid them and let them go. re...

the craziest books i have read and reflected many times are ramayana mahabharata. the most craziest after them is catch 22 while puranas talk about inescapability total pointless tries to escape living; catch 22 talks about utter crazy rule to escape from once in it. the only way you can escape being in war is to prove yourself mad. if you accomplish that goal you are no longer crazy. all story must have one happy ending without it none will ever read it. in mahabharata yudhisthira alone end up in heaven. in ramayana hanuman cannot leave this world stuck forever as bhakta. in catch 22 the only person escapes war is Orr. he was only tent mate of yossarian who forever tries to prove himself mad and without any success. all others are doing all the craziest things we see in life but as a warring personnel. Orr supposed to be craziest of all. He is not perturbed to be shoot at. He quietly perfected the art of landing in sea and making it to life. But he succeeds somewhere to lan...

i am fanatical critic of money and sex. i am beyond the hope from recovery. as long as i am abstaining the future is dangling and i am hanging the carrot before me of my youth and money and if required a new birth. my future is immortal. a very near neighbor of joya and husband of a friend is in hospital. weekly once or twice i drive her around for shopping etc. her words yesterday is sticking in my memory 'cannot bear the sight of mute'. i heard similar words from rama about his visit to ashok. he could not bear the silent stare. i did not tried to find out what has happened to her husband. all plans collapsed. only a month ago she was insisting that we go to kolkata together in this december. the future then has changed to another future. she said she went to bank to change their joint account to include their daughter. i said to her we are incapable of constructing even a glimpse for the duration of one bink. we are shown and we have no choice but see. no reason. ...

with every win i am led through garden path of loss according to kafka chinese wall was built disjointly 100 yards at a stretch by 100 in a group project lasting say one year. invader never thought that it was being built against them since they always were gaps. people who built it were only periodically away from home and glorified for their works. None but chinese knew what the were accomplishing. 1200 miles long wall that saves their land from invasion. peace away from hunns the looters even today chinese as a race so far advanced in thinking and they can plan and accomplish long term goals 100 years hence unknown to the rest of the world what this has to do with loss is win and win is loss for hunns win is a loss. they invaded for centuries and every time they won. they created their own path to destruction. they did not know how to produce how to build how to protect. they lived in a world that cannot sustain itself. strange very strange. contrary to all my conditi...